
Miscarriage Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.

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My husband is scared of having a child with birth defects. He works with a co-worker who had a child with a serious metabolic disorder...this was after experiencing several miscarriages with his wife. We are trying to get through our second miscarriage, but it is hard when he is living with such fear. He is also affraid I will pass the breast cancer gene onto any female children we might have. I already had breast cancer at age 30.( I carry the BRACA1 gene -gives 50-80% chance of breast cancer and 30-50% chance of ovarian cancer.)
Please help. how can I help him to stop living in fear? ( he is not very religious, so faith in God doesn't help him..it does me, though)
Please help. how can I help him to stop living in fear? ( he is not very religious, so faith in God doesn't help him..it does me, though)
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I have a slightly strange idea.... how much genetics does he understand? How much reproduction and development? Maybe a crash course in both would help. (A general bio or an Anatomy and Phys text would be good, I can recommend some easier more popular ones too.) Like starting with there is a 50% chance of NOT passing on that gene to a female child. (Do you know if the gene is dominant or recessive? IF recessive, she would have to get the gene from both parents.)
Chances are that the metabolic disorder of the child is genetic. That means that you have a very small chance of being affected.
Some cases knowledge is power and sometimes knowledge of what you are really up against can be calming. Part of the trouble with miscarriages is that so frequently we don't know the cause. If we could be told something, anything that would prevent it next time we would heal a lot faster.
I teach General Biology and Human Anatomy and Physiology, my husband teaches Anatomy too. We have both found comfort in knowledge. I'll be happy to try to answer any questions if you want to e-mail me.
Also with the gene that you have, maybe going to a genetic counselor would help, they will outline all the risks and explain everything to you.
I agree with the others, self talk has lots to do with it. We're taking a parenting class (by choice) called Incredible Years. Basically, it's about play and positive discipline bringing out the best in our children while showing us how to be better parents. Last week it was all about praise but as adults, we tend to be very hard on ourselves and our kids see that. We need to praise ourselves more, be more confident in our abilities and have a more positive outlook on life. When the instuctors were talking aobu thtis, I couldn't help but think my husband needs to start believing he can instead of wallowing in I can't.
I also agree hthomas about speaking about genetics. She's right about the metabolic disorder being genetic. I would try to get as many stats on how it's in your favor to not have any issues. Men tend to be more analytical about these things and talk like this is more cut and dry (analytical).