I don't think having multiple miscarriages makes you more susceptible to having a child with birth defects. At least I hope not. I'm very sorry that you had to endure cancer at such a young age. The only thing I can say to that is that once your child is old enough to have to worry about it hopefully medicine is advanced far enough to not make it such a devistating disease. I don't blame him for being scared. My husband brought up birth defects after my second miscarriage. I was telling him that hopefully they will fine the cause so I can take a pregnancy to term and he said "I don't want a child with birth defects." I guess the only thing I can tell you is to find some positive statistics to throw at him. He can't ignore logic.

MY DR TOLD ME MY M/C WAS A CROMOSONE LIKE DISORDER, YOU CANT NEVER TELL. MY BOY FRIEND WAS SCARED ON TRYING TO HAVE ANOTHER BABY. SINCE WE LOST ONE, I TOLD HIM I CANT GIVE UP, IM NOE 6 1/2 WEEKS AND SCARED. YOU CAN WORK THROUGH ANYTHING

I think your husband is identifying with his co-worker because of the miscarriages.

I have a slightly strange idea.... how much genetics does he understand? How much reproduction and development? Maybe a crash course in both would help. (A general bio or an Anatomy and Phys text would be good, I can recommend some easier more popular ones too.) Like starting with there is a 50% chance of NOT passing on that gene to a female child. (Do you know if the gene is dominant or recessive? IF recessive, she would have to get the gene from both parents.)

Chances are that the metabolic disorder of the child is genetic. That means that you have a very small chance of being affected.

Some cases knowledge is power and sometimes knowledge of what you are really up against can be calming. Part of the trouble with miscarriages is that so frequently we don't know the cause. If we could be told something, anything that would prevent it next time we would heal a lot faster.

I teach General Biology and Human Anatomy and Physiology, my husband teaches Anatomy too. We have both found comfort in knowledge. I'll be happy to try to answer any questions if you want to e-mail me.

Also with the gene that you have, maybe going to a genetic counselor would help, they will outline all the risks and explain everything to you.

I have the same issue with my husband, except our 3rd child died from a birth defect. It was a fluke because we had 2 healthy children first and the birth defect hasn't been shown to be purely genetics at this point. But for some reason, it's like it's paralyzing him, even though we know it's nothing we did or didn't do (well in theory).

I agree with the others, self talk has lots to do with it. We're taking a parenting class (by choice) called Incredible Years. Basically, it's about play and positive discipline bringing out the best in our children while showing us how to be better parents. Last week it was all about praise but as adults, we tend to be very hard on ourselves and our kids see that. We need to praise ourselves more, be more confident in our abilities and have a more positive outlook on life. When the instuctors were talking aobu thtis, I couldn't help but think my husband needs to start believing he can instead of wallowing in I can't.

I also agree hthomas about speaking about genetics. She's right about the metabolic disorder being genetic. I would try to get as many stats on how it's in your favor to not have any issues. Men tend to be more analytical about these things and talk like this is more cut and dry (analytical).

I think every parent has this fear.It should not stop you from having a baby .You can't go through life thinking what if.Miscarriages happens for a reason and I wish I knew why because it hurts so many people badly.

I think maybe you should ask you doc to have a chat with your husband. Sometimes lack of information about the facts and figures makes people unrealistically scared. My husband is a bit of a hypocondriac at times too and he harrassed me with questions about tests etc.. when I was pregnant. He was really outraged once when the midwife came while he was out! I think your doc/midwife might be able to reassure your husband about genetic defects which, after all are rather rare. Unfortunately, my last pregnancy ended up with a miscarriage but I have had two very healthy, perfect children so far. A miscarriage is not a sign that something is wrong with you. In Europe, one in every six pregnancies is miscarried. In some developed countries it is as high as 1 in 4. There is no link between miscarriage and birth defects according to scientists. Your husband might feel better if you tell him you will take all the neo-natal tests available when the time comes. My husband got kind of obsessed with them but I had to go along with it to reassure him (although I absolutely detest anything medical!) Good luck to you. Love, Lola.