I am hoping by writing this down it will help some,I have been with my Husband for 5 years and we have never used protection.I finally got pregnant while taking Ovulex in September this year.I started spotting at 6 weeks 4 days,and went in for ultrasound,they said they seen fetal heart everything was fine.But she put me on bedrest.Well 2 days ago I started spotting again but this time it was heavier and I seen pink and red and passed one tiny clot.I was hoping it was just a cyst.I went to the ER and they did a scan, I should have been 11 weeks 2 days,I watched U/S and could see the baby,but it wasnt moving and no heartbeat.So they confirmed the baby stopped growing at 9 weeks and no heartbeat,they sent me home to pass it naturally.As soon as I got home it started,clots heavy bleeding,I was sitting on the couch and felt like a pop in my cervix and I knew it had to be the baby,sure enough,I went to the bathroom and there was the tiny baby,I reached in and cleaned it off and set it on a towel.I was devasted,home alone and just crying and screaming,I never imagined going through soemthing so awful,I could see everything on the baby,the eyes,ears,mouth and tounge,arms,legs,the stomache had a little hole and I could see the intestines and stuff.I dont know if I did the right thing by looking at it,because it only hurts more,but it was a baby my baby,I feel like what did I do wrong,its all my fault,did I drink to much caffeine?I ended up going back to ER for the bleeding and pain,I alomst passed out a few times,they gave pain meds,an IV of fluids,antibiotic and iron.He had to pull out a peice of tissue stuck in my cervix and the bleeding slowed down now. We got home at 1am, I have only slept about 2 hours, I cant stop crying and thinking about it. It was like a nightmare I just wish it would all go away.I wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy. I am scared to get pregnant again.I just feel so lost.It hurts so bad,I cant get out of bed. When will it get easier?
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