On Monday October 22, 2007 I walked into the dr office for a routine ultrasound and when the nurse went to look around he jumped up quikly and said he need to get the dr. My mom started to panic and i told her to calm down maybe it wasnt that bad. When the dr came in he wouldnt tell me anything he said he needed to look around first. They turned on the lights and he my worst fear came true. My baby was dead he had no heartbeat. The words didnt register. And today it still doesnt. So as soon as I left his office I was taken to the hospital. Nothing felt real. I was induced at 7:30p.m. and finally went in to labor Tuesday. I did realy good in labor. But reality finally hit me when I felt him finally come out. It felt like I had lost a part of me. He was born at 1:43p.m. Wednesday I finally got to go home. To leave th hospital with out my baby was a feeling you couldnt imagine. I mean I was almos 8 months pregnant but he was beautiful. And he looked liked me. Nothing like Cameron. Speaking of Cameron he came to see me. Brought his new girlfriend Cayce and my family jumped all over her. I didnt even know untill the next day but I mean can you blame them? I had just lost my baby that day! Friday was the funeral and it was gorgeous. My baby is in heaven with his father. Cameron didnt come to the funeral...he didnt even com see his baby before we buried him. Honestly he prob thinks his son dying is a ticket out. And God knows this, God knows how he treated me through all this time. I forgive Cameron but I will NEVER forget. Today is November 6, 2007 almost 3 weeks since I have had my beauiful baby boy. I am doing ok but at nite it gets bad. It hurts to know I have to take a pill to go to sleep at nite. I just want my baby and its not fair what happened. But I know God has his reasons ya know. I am going back to school in the spring and hope to find love. i deserve the best and it took this time for me to figure that out.I want to say thank you to everyone who has been there for me.
Posts You May Be Interested In
I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??