I am twenty years old and this week I went into the hospital with stomach pain. The doctors told me that I had an ectopic pregnancy and needed surgery to remove it right away. I had not been planning on a baby and I have been on birth control since I was 15. The surgery itself was a little scary and sort of painful, but I am dealing with that. The part of it that is hard is the part that confuses me the most. I lost a baby that I didn't know I had until it was gone and one that wasn't planned for, but the pain from that loss is breaking my heart. I don't know what is the matter with me, I don't know why my heart aches so much for this loss. I can't really talk to many people about this because I am ashamed for feeling this way and I have so much guilt and I don't know why. I know it is probably in my best interest to have children a little bit later in life, but I know I would have been a great mom. My whole life has been devoted to children. Even as a toddler babies facinated me and I have always been the caretaker kind. I just need advice on how to get through this. As much as there is physical pain recovering from the proceedure, the emotional pain is almost too much. Why does losing a gift that I didn't even know I had hurt so bad?
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