Hey, i'm sorry for your loss, you will be okay in time. Once your health issues are sorted you will be able to try again in your own time. I lost my baby in January and i find it hard to cope sometimes too, i cope by exercising and focusing on other things in my life, we are planning on moving and then trying again so i will be waiting another 5 months or so before i try to get pregnant again. xx

I'm sorry for your loss :( My last one was a very similar situation. My baby was conceived on or around our wedding day... Which was only days before Christmas and my birthday... I was soooo happy because I'd waited 4 & 5 years from my last two miscarriages. My miscarriage happened last month, like Raven's...

I understand how you're feeling to the T. I'm having some health issues, as well... I just had an abnormal pap (second one in a year) so I have to get the biopsy done AGAIN... And yesterday I had to have an EKG and a blood test. The EKG was normal (thank goodness.) The doctor thinks I have some hardening of the valves due to childhood illnesses (ie: Strep throat.) I still have to go get the ultrasound done of my heart soon and see a Cardiologist... And on top of all of that, my psychiatrist is trying to help me manage my bipolar disorder with minimal medication since I do want to get pregnant...

Nobody, except the psychiatrist, has told me not to get pregnant yet... He recommended that I get stabilized first... But I think that I'm doing just fine right now since I managed to not harm myself without medication for a few months. So, he agreed to help me with my decision.

All of my doctors know full well that I want to... So I'm gonna see where it goes in the next few weeks...

I'm feeling very similar emotions as you, though. I'm worried my health issues will keep me from having a healthy pregnancy... I've just been feeling like half a woman...

What's helping me to feel better is charity work for mothers. I'm making baby blankets for my grandma's church and paper cranes for women who've lost a pregnancy or infant (www.tinywings.blogspot.com) Maybe sometimes helping others makes us feel better since we can't help ourselves. It doesn't have to be anything big, just some small effort to put a smile on someone's face or to let them know they're not alone. That's what helps me to heal.

Thanks so much for your comments. I just joined this site yesterday and I already I feel better. I never told any of my friends about the baby so I feel like I'm going through a lot alone. My husband is hurt too, but he deals with it differently from me.

I really understand about the health issue stuff and it's really scary to not know if you will ever be able to have a baby. BUT, just remember that a miscarriage shows the ability to get pregnant, which is a great thing! Unfortunately, my health issues actually don't directly relate to the baby at all, the baby could just be affected by them. I need surgery on my foot which would make it scary to gain any pregnancy weight at the moment and I have had skin cancer. So... as of right now I need to hold off on trying to get pregnant again until I have my scheduled mris and CTs and get foot surgery this summer.

I know that we just all need to have a little faith. I do have faith that I will get pregnant again and all will be fine. I wish the same for you too :)

You sounds really sensible holding off getting pregnant and more positive than your first post too. I'm glad you found DS, i've been a member for about 3 years now and i've met some amazing people. Looking forward, planning for your next pregnancy will help you, it will never replace the one you lost but in time when you do have a healthy baby you will remember that without the hardship of losing this baby that your future baby would have never existed. Well done you for being positive and putting your health and well being first xx

I agree, it takes a lot of strength to hold off on getting pregnant again, but it's a very sensible thing to do. Waiting four years was torture for me. Now, waiting from cycle to cycle is torture...

Skin cancer is very scary. My mom went through that. She's normally a very stoic person but that made her break down and cry. I have quite a few cancer survivors in my family.

That's great that you have faith! I have faith, too, that through it all I will come out of this a better person and I will have a bundle of joy in my arms one day. It just gets beat down every once in a while... DS has helped me out so much :) As it has for you.

It's also good that you realize that your husband handles it differently than you... That seems to be a common problem a lot of couples have when they go through this.

I found out that I was pregnant on Christmas day. I was a few days late and decided to take a test. I called my husband in and he almost fainted when I told him. I have 2 children from a previous marriage. We went for our 1st OB Apt. On Jan. 13th at which point I was 7 weeks. I was really nervous b/c a few days later, we were leaving to go on our honeymoon, which had been planned a year after we got married. I was set on cancelling the trip b/c I felt like it was too soon to be flying. My Dr. said I should be fine so I went.

On Tuesday of this week, I had my 12 week check up and was really nervous. They took me into the room to take my BP and weight and the Dr. checked for the babies heartbeat with the monitor. All she could hear was my heartbeat. I got really nervous! My best friend and my husband were both in the room with me. They then took us into the other room for a sonogram. As soon as I saw the sonogram, I knew there was no heartbeat. It's a sight that I'll never get out of my mind. My husband really didn't know what was going on at first until the sonographer said "i'm really sorry guys...There's no heartbeat" I was in such shock! I had pregnancy symptoms up until about 10 1/2 weeks and didn't suspect any problems.

The Dr. came in to see how the sonogram was going and the sonographer said to her, there's no heartbeat. They told us that it stopped growing at 8 weeks. They told me that our best option was for me to go for a D & C. The other option was the pill but there was possibility of infection and that everything would'nt expel and I'd need a D & C anyway. Oddly enough the night before the D & C, I started spotting. I felt like cancelling my procedure so my body could naturally do what it was going to do. I realized by the end of the night, that wouldn't be my best option b/c i had a really bad anxiety attack.

I had the procedure yesterday and have spoken to several people....realizing how common this is. I don't know how to tell my kids what happened. My husband and I have to figure this out b/c right now they are spending the weekend with my parents. I also told my job and a decent amount of people at my job. I'm def. not looking to forward to getting back to work.

I'm trying to find blame even though I know it's the wrong thing to do and there's never an explanation as to why this happens. I''m blaming the honeymoon I went on b/c I hit my 8th week on my trip. My Dr. told us that you can do genetic testing to see what went wrong. My ins. doesn't cover it so my husband and I told her we weren't going to do it. Right before they put me under anesthesia, the Dr. must have asked me again and I said I wanted to do it. When I got out of surgery, my husband asked me what made me change my mind about it? I wasn't sure what he was talking about. He said the Dr. Called him on his cell b4 surgery to ask him if it was ok to do the testing b/c I wanted it. I have no recollection of this...so he told her if my wife wants it...then do it.

I'm just scared it we find out that the trip had something to do with it, I will blame him......This is such a hard thing to deal with. I'm not great at dealing with my own emotion b/c I hold back from crying a lot!

Ok - first - Bear hugs.

Second - Miscarriages happen more often than we are lead to believe. Reported miscarriages - 1 in 4 women. Unreported, it may be as high as 1 in 3. A vacation, a trip anywhere, hardly ever causes trouble unless we are talking about toxic or horseback ridding when you knew you were expecting.

Yes, genetic testing could help explain it. It could be there were too many chromosomes or too few. It could be the development of any major organ was not working properly or was not there at all. There are thousands of reasons why the body figures that a pregnancy is not going to work .

Nothing against our medical professionals, but our systems have quality detectors and filter systems that no amount of money can buy right now to compete. What it is trying to establish is if the work in the pregnancy is going to produce a human body that can survive out in the real world.

When I suffered my first miscarriage, I went to the library to find any books I could about complications with pregnancies. I learned a terrifying amount of good solid data. It actually helped me get past trying to find blame. It made me aware of possible health issues my body was having. So I focused on this.

As for grieving, you are feeling completely normal reactions. There is no real sanity in grief for a certain amount of time. Understand at some point, you will need to stop blaming yourself for what happened. It is difficult to deal with things outside of our control, but this is how it is. Being so hard on yourself is a normal reaction, though it is not the best way to heal. Trust me, many of us have done this and have learned the difficult way.

You need to focus on anything, try lighting a candle and try talking to your lost child. Get it all out as best as you can each day or as often as you need to. Just make sure not to harm yourself or anyone else while you learn how to handle your grief.

Please give yourself time and cut both you and your husband some slack. Loosing a child is never easy for anyone. We are here for you to our best human ability. (hugs)

Thank You so much! I kept checking for any responses and didn't see one until I just read yours. Are there any books that you can recomend I read? I just want to try and understand as much as I can. My first reaction when we found out was that I can't do this again! Your body goes through so many changes and your hormones are so out of wack. I'm 34 going on 35 in August and although the pregnancy wasn't planned, I was glad that my husband and I would have at least 1 child together b4 I turned 35. My children are from a different marriage. I guess i'm a little hard on myself b/c i'm 9 years older than my husband. He's a veteran and currently going to school with his GI bill. When I went for my OB appointments, they told me about the testing that was recomended if you're 35 and over as well as the genetic counseling. They def. didn't make me feel comfortable with the fact that many women over 35 even 40 have children.

I wasn't aware of how common miscarriage actually is. I've recently heard a lot of stories from friends who know of people or who have had miscarriages themselves. Do you know if it's become more common in the recent years or has it been 1 in every 4 women for a while?

I did speak to my children last night and they were so amazing. Hugging me, telling me i'm sorry you're sad, asking if we can try again. I'm trying to hard to focus on doing fun things with them and getting myself back to work. Thank you so much for your support! It means everything!