I just found out I'd miscarried on the 7th at my prenatal appt where I was told there was no longer a heartbeat. I immediately went into denial, by the evenings end I was experiencing the most horrific painfull experience in my life with the medical induced miscarriage. Since then I feel as though I'm a walking zombi. I'm either, numb - angry - or sobing. My friends don't even know how to support me. I'm devastated and at my age and after so many years of trying and finally being given the gift. How do I let go of the resentment at having it and then loosing it? How do I get to tomorrow?....and be the person I was before?
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...