Miscarriage Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.

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How do I face that #%$^!

deleted_user
deleted_user
It happened again... I miscarried at 7 weeks. I am broken-hearted, lost, I can't even face getting off the couch. I'm trying so hard to be strong, but my sister-in-law is such a bitch! I've tried to be nice, but all she wants to do is compete with me! When I was pg, she would constantly start in with pg symptoms (gagging from "nausea", napping all the time, etc.) She claimed she really didn't want a baby, just feared she was pg (even though she was on birth control). Well, right after I lost my baby, she figured out she wasn't pregnant, but decided she and my brother were going to start trying. THE DAY I LOST MY BABY BEAR! She called me, uninvited me from our weekend trip with them due to her impending ovulation, then immediately began talking about her plans to become pregnant again. Funny how that happened as soon as I m/c, 'cause she didn't give a damn before! I just don't know how to face her, especially if she becomes pregnant. Holidays are coming up, and she is my brother's wife, but all she can talk about around me is pregnancy. I hate her! How can anyone be that insensitive?! Any advice on how to talk to her without lowering myself to her level? ANY ADVICE is appreciated! Thank you!
Love,
Mahadra
deleted_user
deleted_user
I don't know if there is any good advice I can give you to deal with her. I would say just don't be around her. It doesn't matter if she is family or not you really need to be around supportive people to help you heal and some one like your SIL is very insensitive and is just going to make you feel worse...stay away from that type of person until they can GROW up and be loving and kind. AVOID her. I am sorry for the loss of your baby.
deleted_user
deleted_user
first let me say that i'm sorry you lost your sweet little baby. now about your sister in law. tamberly is right, you should try to avoid her. but like you said, holidays are coming up and she's your bother's wife and, i know from personal experience it's worse to miss out on things like the holidays just b/c you can't stand a certain person. if i was in your situation i would just tell her that i don't want to hear about their efforts to ttc. i don't know your sister in law at all so i don't know if trying to explain how you feel would help but i'd give that a try.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree, avoid the sister in law. If you do have to be around her try to make it short as possible. If she brings up the pregnancy thing to you again be polite but don't continue the conversation further than you have to, in fact..end it with a simple statement like "could we not talk about this right now? i have other things on my mind." Good Luck!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm so sorry for your loss. My best advice for you is to be direct with her. I had a similar thing happen to me after my 11th miscarriage. If she starts in with her ttc talk just tell her politely and firmly that you recently lost a child and while your happy your brother and her are ready to start a family it is not something you can discuss right now. I found that it also helps to do this in front of other family members so she can't "forget" that you made it clear you don't want o discuss her plan for ttc. It may also let the rest of the family know that it is not the right topic for anyone to bring up. Again I'm truly sorry you are having to go through this.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree. Avoid her. Yeah the holidays are coming up but just walk away from her. I have dealt with a competitive person (my husband's ex girlfriend) also and let just say this. Let her compete because she will only be competing with herself. Live your life for you and only you. It doesn't matter what someone else says or does because in the end Karma will bite them in the ass! I know it is hard after having a m/c but do have faith that when the time is right you will have your precious baby in your arms looking at you and when he or she grows up you can tell them about the brother or sister that would have loved him or her and watched over them. I will always keep you in my prayers and I pray your day to become a mother will come soon and before you SIL! Keep your chin up
deleted_user
deleted_user
Geesh, I am so sorry you are going through this. I don't know why people are so insensitive. I would avoid her at all cost. I have found out people on this site and complete strangers have been more sympathetic and helpful then my own family. I have som close friends that have helped, but as for my family...I've been pretty much told to just move on. Funny...I just gave birth to my son now 3 days ago and I am suppose to move on.

I am so sorry for your loss.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have your exact same problem and I know how tough it is!! 3 days after I lost my son at 32 weeks, my sister in law told me that she was trying to get pregnant. Which was crazy and mean because the month before I lost him, she would say how she has no intention of wanting to get pregnant and lose her figure! Then when I miscarried last week, I told her, and she "said oh I think I did too and I wasn't even trying". Like it was a joke! This is no joke.
I'm going to give you the advice that I use. Take her with a grain of salt. I know it sounds impossible. But some people just don't understand how stupid and cold they really sound. These women are kind of stuck in our lives. I am just trying to make the best of it. We have so much more important things to deal with than their BS. I vent about her to my close friends. Some people tell me to just let her know my feelings. Maybe one day when we both have children. Maybe then she might understand my pain. But for now, I would rather avoid a battle. (That is what my sister in law is capable of!) Good luck! And ignore her dumb remarks!
deleted_user
deleted_user
The only advice I can give you is to stay away from her as much as you can. She is a very insensitive person, and you need to be around people who are gonna help you not hinder you. Sounds to me like she needs to grow up and stop feeling like she has to compete. I agree with what the others have said in previous posts. I am so sorry for your loss. Just try to keep your chin up. God Bless.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Im sorry you have to go through this. I would say stay away from her as much as possible, being the holidays and all it may be a little tough. Just stay possitive keep in mind that those who try to hurt you intentionally do it because deep inside they are misserable and try their best to make you feel that way as well. Trust me I went through that with my ex sister in law who basically used to be my best friend we were friends when i got engaged to my ex and introduced her to his brother to make a long story short things didnt for out with me and the ex and she is married with two kids to his brother recently a little bit after i misscarried with the first baby she forward me a pic message that said my new godson the cuttest new baby in the family. It was a picture of my ex new baby now her knowing my situation and why me and him split and how i lost a baby i found that backstabbing. Recently i found out her husband beats her and they have a horrible marriage. Which is why I say only people who arent happy do their best to make you misserable. Be strong sweety. your in my prayers...
Zayannee
Zayannee
Ever know somebpdy who has to make everything about themselves? I have and she sounds like one of those people. If I were you I would say to her "can you please not talk to me about pregnancy right now" Im sorry to say a lot of people dont know that its a big deal. My poor husband who loves me and would do anything for me still cannot concieve how it makes me feel. We have to tell people because everybody in this community knows you dont know what its like to lose a baby until you have. So try to feel sorry for that girl, its sad that she has no feelings!
Zayannee
Zayannee
ps... if she cant control her talking after you have spoke to her then I agree with the others... just try to steer clear, maybe talk to you brother about it too
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