I am frightened about having another D&C. I felt so powerless and scared last time. Being wheeled all the way up to the theatre. My husband will be there thank goodness. At least afterwards it won't be long untill my body will be back to "normal". Then we can try for another Bubba. But getting PG could take a while. I can't believe I'm back here again. I never thought this would happen to me again. I wish my Mum was here. Shes just moved house and shes been so busy. I miss her. I would have been nearly 11 weeks by now. I am so frightened in early pregnancy. Always checking for blood and trying not to worry. I hope I don't have to do this ever again. Maybe I should just not try again, but getting PG again makes it so much easier to cope and carry on. There was no baby when I had a scan so possibly a baby never grew. In my head and my heart there was a real baby though. I used to lie in bed and imagine her surrounded by golden ribbons of light protecting her. I guess I can still give her a name as she was real to me, or maybe thats just crazy. I don't know.
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