I am frightened about having another D&C. I felt so powerless and scared last time. Being wheeled all the way up to the theatre. My husband will be there thank goodness. At least afterwards it won't be long untill my body will be back to "normal". Then we can try for another Bubba. But getting PG could take a while. I can't believe I'm back here again. I never thought this would happen to me again. I wish my Mum was here. Shes just moved house and shes been so busy. I miss her. I would have been nearly 11 weeks by now. I am so frightened in early pregnancy. Always checking for blood and trying not to worry. I hope I don't have to do this ever again. Maybe I should just not try again, but getting PG again makes it so much easier to cope and carry on. There was no baby when I had a scan so possibly a baby never grew. In my head and my heart there was a real baby though. I used to lie in bed and imagine her surrounded by golden ribbons of light protecting her. I guess I can still give her a name as she was real to me, or maybe thats just crazy. I don't know.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??