Yesterday was Thanksgiving, and most people (including my own doctor) said that the holidays should be nice and keep me busy and my mind off of my still baby (born Oct 17, she would be 5 wks old this week). Well let me say, I just felt worse. I was happy because of my son (it's his first Thanksgiving to really participate in), but I had this overwhelming guilt inside for Natalie (my still baby) not being here. Then it went from guilt, to how did I not know she had passed away, I was 40 wks pregnant and didn't know she was gone. I feel this responsible like I should have sensed something. With all the stress I couldn't stop crying and I wasn't make things much easier for my husband. I just started taking out my pain on him, but with indirect things, like what clothes to wear for the day, I turned into an argument. It's like I don't know how to express my pain so I transfer it into little everyday decisions, turning them into a complete meltdown where all I can do is feel guilt about my stillborn daughter and cry hysterically. It's almost like 2 steps forward one back. I feel better for a few days then I break down terribly out of no where. Anything can just trigger it (ex. I've broke down just doing dishes!) I have also been getting horrible headaches, could this be from stress? Has anyone else been through this?
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