After I lost my baby, I hated my body. It went from a beautiful, amazing vessel for my children to a traitor that couldn't keep my baby alive. What did I do? Was it too much time on the elliptical trainer? Was it the Starbucks that I indulged in one time? Maybe I shouldn't have mopped the kitchen floor? All these questions ran through my mind over and over again. Honestly, I felt like a failure as a woman. It also affected my mothering with my other two children. If I couldn't even keep thier brother or sister alive, why did I deserve them? I did, finally, work through these extreme feelings of guilt with the help of my ob/gyn and my husband, but once in awhile, I catch myself thinking these thoughts again. I recently read an article about how caffeine might be a factor in early miscarriages and it made me cry. I felt so guilty and now I think if I tried to drink a latte that I would choke on it. I know, deep down, that I probably did nothing to cause my miscarriage. But there's this tiny voice in my head that keeps saying, "You failed. You let your baby die." Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions on how to get that little voice to shut up?
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