I think that most people just don't know what to say so they'd rather avoid the situation altogether. It's hurtful because it's the time that you really need them and they don't seem to be able to be there for you. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this and I hope and pray that they come around soon.

Sadly, that does happen. Most of the time, like carrieDawn said, most folks just don't know what to say or do so rather than put their foot in their mouths, they stay away. I know when I lost Angel I never heard a peep from my pastor or anyone at church...not a card or so much as a phone call. I know I should let it go but I admit it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Yep I have had friends push me away and now we dont talk at all and it hurt at first but, now I realize if they couldnt be there for me they werent "real" friends anyway

I had several people who did this to me after my m/c. It's probably not intentional but they really don't know what to say to us. It seems like miscarriage is one of those taboo subjects that people just don't want to talk about. I had a girl at work flat out say to me that she was sorry, not only for my loss but also for avoiding the subject since she really didn't know how to approach me about it or what to say. It's hard to be empathetic towards someone when you don't know what they're going through. It just sucks for us to feel like we don't have any support. I'm sorry you're going through this, hopefully your friends will come around eventually. *hugs*

I have had that happen as well and it hurts. When I returned to work, I had a few people who actually turned and walked the other direction when I would go to pass them in the hallway. CarrieDawn is right, it is easier to avoid the situation than to try to say the right thing. I always said, I would rather someone say the wrong things than to say nothing at all. Sorry for your loss and sorry your friend blew you off!

i have found that in my situation, its mainly been me pushing people away. people seem to want to be helpful, but i avoid phone calls and going out and about because i just can't handle it right now. i avoid people because i know they can't possibly understand, they can certainly sympathize and offer support, but they simply won't truly understand.

I am sorry for your loss and sorry that your friends are staying away. I think CarrieDawn is right, most people don't know how to handle the situation. My sister, who is my best friend, has kind of avoided the situation and I think it was becasue I gave off the vibe that I didn't want to talk about it. My sister was there with me at my house when I was going through the MC, but we haven't talked about it since then.

I also agree with JodyGirl, like I said, I have been avoiding my friends and family who have actually called (only a few have called), but I don't want to talk to them. I feel like I don't want them talking about something that they have no idea about, how can they know what I'm going through unless they went through it as well.

sdmiller, I the only advise I have for you is to have a frank talk with your friend and see why exactly she didn't want to meet for coffee and say I need your support. A friend told me this a long time ago and I've lived by it. People aren't mindreaders they need to be told what you want from them, and if you've told them and they still don't give you their support? Well then they aren't a really good friend as you thougtht and you are better off without them.

Most of my friends are good at not out-right avoiding me, but they have been really good at talking about anything and everything but my loss. Even when i say something in passing about Jesse they are very quick to change the subject to something they this is totally unrelated to anything that we had been talking about. I think I would like not talking to them at all then have them always going out of their way to ignore my loss in my presence.

I have had this happen to me too and it really hurts. No one in my extended family has called me since my m/c and I just can't believe it, I feel like they don't even care.

Then, a friend of a friend of mine is due at the exact time I was due. She started e-mailing me asking about all of my appointments since we were on the same schedule. When I e-mailed her to tell her that I had lost the baby I never heard a word from her. It's going to be so hard for me to be around her now not only because every time I see her I'll be thinking that it could've been me but also because she ignored my loss and has been so insensitive.

I am really sorry for your loss and that people are avoiding your instead of offering their support. I am still overcoming my recent and had not told a lot of folks about my pregnancy. I wanted to share the news after the first trimester and since it was my second m/c in a row I didn't tell my parents and in-laws because they were devastated after the first one. Also my husband doesn't like to share the bad news with the friends so I kept my lips light about the subject. But then I told a close friend who just had her baby last weekend. Luckily, she was very supportive and came with me for my pre-op appointment. I really felt nice of her gesture and wasn't jealous that she's having a baby. I agree with others that people sometimes don't know how to react and it's hard for someone unless one goes through a m/c. I hope you find the support you deserve on this forum. You can always talk to me if you feel low or need to vent.

I went thru the same thing and i am just starting to be able to hang out with those friends again almost a year later. i think people just really arent sure what to say or do so their reactions come across as hurtful. It sux that they arent giving u more support but just know that we are all here for u and im sure they will come around soon.

Thanks everyone for their input, I kinda knew this things already but wanted to know I wasn't alone ya know? I'm going to try not to be bitter and act like all is well but you know how hard that is! I've been acting for so long now (2 1/2 wks since m/c) that maybe i've got the hang of it?

I also had the same experience. My husband talked to a few of them. Their response was they didn't know what to say. His answer to them was don't you think she needs to know you are there to support her more than the words you say. People just don't understand that we know they don't know what to say. It is just nice to know that those closest to you support you during this horrible time.

Yeah! Why do they say "let me know if you need anything" and then when you break down (not literally) and get up the nerve to ask them for something as simple as meeting for coffee...make excuses!! Don't ask if you don't mean it-duh! Just say "sorry" and that's good enough. This has taught me how to be more compassionate to others in the future I will (hopefully) know how to best console someone thru grief. Don't ask the person who is hurting to tell you what they need---you could suggest to them "how about we meet for coffee" or "can I stop by and see you" if they don't want to they'll tell you. But it's very hard for most people to ask for something. Anyone agree?

My friends were all there for my first MC, but almost all of them avoided me after the second. I'm not exactly "bouncing back" this time.
A person can't possibly understand pregnancy loss unless they've been through it, and I can see people struggling to just witness my grief. I am guilty of this myself, I have some very dear friends who had 5 (!) miscarriages. DH and I said what we thought we should, and prayed and grieved and thought about them, but looking back I wish I had done more. They've called me about once a week to check on me since I've been thru my trials. Sweet folks, I'm grateful that they gigured out the problem, and now have a healthy big ol fat 1 yr old baby boy.
I agree that it is tough to ask for something when you need it, and right now I know you need it. Keep asking.