THIS WAS MY FIRST PREGNANCY EVEN THOUGH IT WASNT PLANNED. MY GREATEST FEAR IN THE BEGINNNING WAS THAT ILL MISCARRY. AS TIME WENT ON I BEGAN TO FEEL MORE POSITIVE THAT ILL CARRY MY BABY TO FULL TERM. ALL MY TEST CAME BACK NORMAL, ULTRASOUNDS, MY BABY HEARTBEAT, MEASUREMENTS, ALL NORMAL, EVERYTHING SEEMED FINE, UNTIL LAST WEEK I SARTED TO HAVE ABDOMINAL PAINS, EVEN THOUGH IT HURTED EXTREMELY BAD, I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS MY UTERUS STRECHING TO MAKE ROOM FOR THE BABY GROWTH, BUT THR PAIN BECAME TO UNBEARABLE I END UP GOING TO THE ER EARLY WEDNESDAY MORNING, AFTER URINE SAMPLES, BLOOD TEST, PELVIC EXAMS, AND AN ULTRASOUND EVERYTHING APPEARED NORMAL, UNTIL THE NEXT DAY THE ABDOMINAL PAIN GOT WORST AND THE PAIN MOVED ALL THE WAY TO MY BOTTOM AND BACK. I HAD LEFT WORK EARLY THAT DAY AND CALLED MY DOCTOR AND SCHEDULED TO COME IN LATER THAT DAY. WHILE AT HOME ALL OF A SUDDEN, FLUID START COMING OUT OF ME, I COULDNT STOP IT, IM EVEN THOUGH I WAS HOPING THAT IT WAS MY WATER THAT BROKE IN THE BACK OF MY MIND I KNEW IT WAS. SOON AFTER THE PAIN GOT WORST AND I COULDNT CONTROL IT, IT HURT SO BAD I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO DO, I CALLED MY DOCTOR BACK AND THEY URGED ME TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL. WHILE AT THE HOSPITAL THEY DIDNT KNOW WHAT WAS GOING, BECAUSE I WAS ONLY IN PAIN AND NOT BLEEDING, THEY THOUGHT I WAS CONSTAPATED BECAUSE ALL MY PAIN WAS IN MY BOTTOM, AND IT FELT LIKE A HAD TO MAKE A BOWLMOVEMENT BUT COULDNT, SO THEY GAVE ME AN ANEMA, SO WHILE ON THE STOOL TRYING TO MAKE THE BOWLMOVEMENT THE PAIN GOT WORST, AND ALL OF A SUDDEN I FELT THE BABY COME DOWN AND WHEN I LOOKED INTO THE STOOL I SAW A LOT OF BLOOD AND THE BABY COMING DOWN, THAT VISUAL I CANT GET OUT OF MY HEAD CAUSE MY WORST FEAR HAD HAPPEND I LOST MY BABY, MY UNEXPECTED BLESSING, IT HURTS SO BADLY, I CANT SEEM TO FIND HAPPINESS. I KNOW THAT GOD DOES EVERYTHING FOR A REASON AND IT WASNT MY TIME, BUT THIS PAIN IT WONT GO AWAY IT HURTS SO BAD, I PIECE OF ME IS GONE, I KNOW THAT ILL BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN AGAIN, IT JUST HURTS SO BAD. I SOMETIMES JUST WANT TO SLEEP AND NEVER WAKE UP, SO I WONT FEEL THE PAIN ANYMORE, EVEN THOUGH I HAVE FAMILY AND FRIENDS THAT CARE FOR ME AND ARE THERE TO HELP AND SUPPORT ME I STILL FEEL ALONE, LOST, EMPTY, HELPLESS. I JUST WANT A PIECE OF MIND I JUST WANT MY HAPPINESS AGAIN.
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