Just when I think I may be taking a step towards healing I crash and burn. I miss my son so much. I would give anything to hold him. Every aspect of my life seems to be falling apart and I don't know what to do anymore. I am just so tired. I am tired of the pain and heartache. It has been one thing after another. And for the past month, I have been having comsuming feelings of wanting to have another baby. I can't think about nothing else. I want to have a child in my arms. Now I am being overwhelmed with raging jealousy of people I know getting pregnant. It feels like I am getting stabbed in the heart. I am up to 15 people I know now that our pregnant with healthy babies. Most of them already have at least one child and the rest are younger than me. It hurts so bad. And I feel so bad that I am this jealous. I try and block it out but I can't get rid of these feelings. I am ashamed for feeling this way. I am getting so depressed again, I just want to stay in bed all day and cry and sleep. Everything and everyone around me has something to do with a baby and their big happy family. I can't hardly get on my social network without seeing every other post of someones sonogram or what trimester they are in. I just want to scream. I am tired of waiting for my time to have a healthy baby. I am just tired.
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