It has been 2 months since I had my stillborn daughter, Natalie. I still have my "bad" days, actually they are my "really bad" days, but not as often, usually about 2 times a week now, comparing to how it was just about everyday. I don't know if I sound selfish but I don't think my husband realizes the depth of pain I am going through. I know this was an extremely painful experience for him, I would never deny him that. But we still both carry this deep pain, but he's been able to start the process of moving forward but it seems I can't. Everytime I try, I still have the constant reminders, I still bleed everyday since I've had her, I'm still leaking milk (only a small amount, but compared to my first born I only had milk come in for maybe 3-4 weeks), and I'm still on the in-between point of weight , where I am still in maternity clothes, no quite able to get into my regular clothes yet. There are times where I think I am starting to accept and have a little peace with what happened to my baby, but then there are days where I'm thinking to myself "Why am I being punished? What did I do to deserve this?" I just want to heal emotionally as best I can, but it is so hard while I'm still getting these post baby symptoms without my baby being here with me.
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