Well, I'm very nervous as I have never talked about this before but I just don't know what to do anymore. My husband and I started trying to have a second child 3 years ago...I had my first miscarriage in April of 2005. I was devastated. I worked through it. I started using ovulation test strips. My first pregnancy with my daughter did not go well. She was born at 31 weeks. I didn't even find out I was pregnant until 23 weeks. I still had my period every single month...nothing in my life had changed so I had no idea...in my head I was barely pregnant and then boom, I was a mom. It was awful so I figured the second time around I wanted to be able to prepare. Well, I have used pregnancy tests once a month for years. I have had four miscarriages. I have no problem getting pregnant at all. I can pinpoint the day that pregnancy occurs and everything. I just can't seem to keep it. After my third one in June of last year my doctor referred me to a specialist. He's been taking blood every week since October...testing me for everything. Then in December I was pregnant again. I went to my appointment and told him. The next day the miscarriage began. He said to ride it through. It was weird because it wasn't like my other miscarriages. The next week right before my appointment with him I took another pregnancy test and it was still positive...he was more confused than I was. Well, unfortunately it was determined that if I was still pregnant that the baby had not developed properly and that if my levels didn't go down by the next week he would have to bring on miscarriage. Anyway, it turned out that I had. So now I have this appointment this week and it absolutely terrifies me. He said he is doing a hysteroscopy. I am absolutely terrified and nervous. I know I should ask questions but I just can't even think straight anymore. The part that hurts the most is that I have 6 very close friends...and be damned if every single one of them is pregnant. I can't even be around them because they just tell me that I need to get over it and just adopt...then, to make matters worse, my brother told me that he accidentally got his girlfriend pregnant and make me feel so defective. I feel like no one understands. Every time I have tried to talk to someone about this they tell me to just adopt and get over it. The story is endless. Sorry. I am rambling.
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