It's hard...it's really hard. I have so many unsanwered questions. Mostly WHY!!! WHY!!! WHY!!! Why would God do this to me? Why would God wait to take my son? Was I so bad in life, that I deserved this? Did I cause the death of my son? Then I go onto blame myself. I should have done this or that in life. Or I should have taken better care of myself.

I truly believe I will get my answers one day. Whether it be while I'm on this Earth or elsewhere. I also truly believe I am being tested. Though I've had alot on my plate in my lifetime, I'm holding on to the whole "God wouldn't give me more then I can handle.

Hang in there. It does seem unfair. I am by far from a very religious person, but I'm hoping that I'll get my answers in the end.

I had a hard time at first. I lost my faith too... and with all you've been through, it'd be tought not to. Perhaps you should try reading the book "I'll HOld you In Heaven" It explains a lot. Good luck and I'm so sorry for your losses

I feel the same, I'm not religious but I really wish that I had faith to take comfort in and provide some sort of answers.
But I dont, so I am left with so many questions about why this happened, what I did, whether I could have prevented what happened and where Dylan is now etc

life is so cruel :(

Here is a significant point about faith:
God isn't obligated to bring me anything good. He does not owe me any good health, life, happiness or prosperity. I have faith simply with thankfulness that he has saved and forgiven me. God purpose is not to prevent our loved ones from dying or hurting.

Why be angry at God for all these terrible things when He is not the author of them? The world has been handed over to Satan for a time (which is right now). God will come at His preordained time and THEN cast Satan into hell forever. If you want to blame all the pain and disease on someone, BLAME Satan! He is the one who lies to us and loves to torment us.

God never promised us and easy, pleasant life here on earth. Faith is knowing that heaven is waiting. ...that God in the end and puts an end to pain and evil.

Sometimes things happen to us that no one can help us with. Bad things, each and everyday our lives grow and we realize that our paths are troubled. I believe that there is a reason for everything, as there is a season. We all go through loosing faith and hope. It just natural. When the time is right you will come to a cross road and believe again that things will be okay. Until then don't blame yourself, just think that things will eventally get better. Sorry I couldn't help you more.

It's ok lost to feel lost, because I did for awhile. I agree with 14weeks though God is not the author of bad things. When Eve chose to listen to the devil in the garden, man's life was changed. It does not make us feel better in the natural when we lose someone we love especially children. God never promised that we would be hear forever because our real home is in heaven. I hope that you find your faith again and enjoy that personal relationship with Jesus Christ. A scripture that has helped is the one where it says..."to be absent from the body is to present with the Lord". I know my twins are in heaven with the Lord now.

So sorry you've had such a rough five years! I know what you mean.
A friend loaned me a book shortly after my miscarraige that was meant to help me process grief through spirituality. I picked it up several times to read, and would get to the word God, remember that I was mad at him, and then put it right back down. I'm not angry with Him anymore- but I too have to wonder why this happens to those of us that want it so bad.

You have been thru alot in your family. I know the feeling. It seems that some people and their family gets the brunt of it sometimes. However in my line of work (I am an nurse working with cancer patients) I see that even though I have been thru a lot, there is always someone worse off then me. I had leukemia at 18, lost my grandma in May, had to do IVF because I became infertile because of my chemotherapy, and then lost my baby at 10 weeks. However, the more I asked why or questioned God the more low and lost I feel. I hope that you can find peace with all of this and that you regain the faith that you have lost. I am here for you anytime you need anything. My heart is with you.

I know exactly how you're feeling. After almost 3 years of trying to get pregnant it finally happened. And 2weeks and 2days ago we lost our little girl.
I keep turning to pastors and priests for answers but they keep telling me to have faith that my daughter is in heaven and is watching over me. It's hard to feel this way while you feel so empty and alone. But I think the only way we can get through this is to have faith that we will be reunited with our angels one day!

Why faith? Because otherwise, there's no hope of anything better, or purpose to keeping on going. Sometimes it just comes down to that.

You've certainly had a terrible 5 years. My sympathies, and prayers, are with you.

I know that it is a really hard time for you right now. I lost my son almost 6mos ago and I am still having a hard time. My faith is the only thing that keeps me going most days. I know that my baby boy is in heaven right now and he is watching over us. I believe that I will be united with him one day. I find some comfort in knowing that my baby never had to endure any pain or suffering. I am sad that I don't have my baby with me, but I truly believe that God has a plan for me. Someone told me baby died that God does not will pain and suffering, but he does not prevent it. I also pray that you find your faith again. I am so sorry for your loss.

You did absolutly nothing wrong, and you dont deserve any of the thinggs that have happened to you the last 5 years. God does not punish us but he is here to comfort us and help us through. I am very bitter and angry with God but I still love him. Because with out him I can not make it through the days. He is the reason that i am not in a deep depression. If you choose to surrender all your burdens to him I promise he will begin to heal you in ways that only he can. That is his promise not mine. He understands that we are angry and he will forgive us for that as well. All you have to do is ask.

I've recently started studying Buddhism. Buddhists do not worship any deity. They respect Buddha as a great spiritual leader/teacher because he practised his teachings and through these attained Nirvana (enlightenment).

The aim of the teachings is to show people how to live in a spiritually fulfilling way. Among other things, kindness & empathy towards others are highly encouraged. Having an attitude of compassion and humbleness is also encouraged.

Some things from the teachings of Buddha that have helped me are:
**The recognition that death is inevitable. According to one of the books I've been studying, if we are to mourn death then we should also mourn birth, because when one is born it means that one will one day have to die
**There is no such thing as death in the way that Western society describes it. When a person's physical body ceases to function, the essence of who they are simply moves on to the next spiritual plane. In Christianity this is called Heaven
**In regards to feeling pain, one of the books I have read advises that one should maintain a state of mindfulness or mindful awareness so that one is aware of the pain, but recognises that one is greater than the pain and therefore can rise above it.

As I've only just started studying Buddhism I'm far from fully understanding it; these are just some things that have helped me in my grieving for MJ and in my life in general so far. These things have helped me be more accepting of things that happen in life, and in my mind it is better to recognise that these things happen than blame them on some unseen, external force. (I'm not saying that higher forces don't exist, just that some things are naturally a part of life and not necessarily caused by deities/higher forces.)

I hope nothing I've said has come across in the wrong way and that it helps you in some way.

I hope also that I haven't sounded preachy. I just wanted to share my experience with you.

Good luck, I hope things get better for you soon.

**Love & blessings**

(Sorry, I meant "recognise & accept that these things happen" :P )

I know what you mean. I was diagnosed with a brain tumor 3 years ago and in the past year, Ive gone through a miscarriage, got in a bad car accident (the tire rod in my car broke and I drove through a fence & hit two trees), and am now going through a divorce. In this time period, three of my grandparents have also died. It is incredibly difficult to believe that there is a God out there who loves me when my life just seems to get worse and worse. :/