Yesterday over dinner at Red Lobster, Garrick (hubby) told me that Jon's wife (groomsman/med school friend) is pregnant again. This is their 5th (their 2nd since being in med school). I think my eyes got real big, then I looked down, and got quiet and Garrick asked me if I was sad? No. Disappointed? No. He said it was okay to feel sad and disappointed because he was feeling that when he was told.

I told him I was just tired of hearing about everyone else's pregnancies. Not that I want anything bad to happen to them--heaven forbid anyone I know have to go through what I had to. It's a horrible experience.

I have 4 coworkers, 1 drug rep who details us pretty fequently, 3 friends, and 1 cousin who are all currently pregnant, and having a healthy pregnancy. It just gets pretty rough hearing about it and getting reminded.

I would have been 18 weeks this Sat.

I feel like a horrible person. I avoid my coworkers especially during lunch. Everytime the drug rep comes in she has her ultrasound pics. I've had to see pics of other drug reps newborns. I don't take my friends calls--I let my voicemail pick up, and I don't call my friends back immediately when they call--I have to prepare myself to feel disappointed when I get off the phone with them and sometimes it takes 2 or 3 days for me to call them back. I was supposed to throw one a baby shower 3 weeks ago, but my mom graciously took over it for me. And I don't think I could bear to go to the other baby showers right now.

I just want this feeling to go away. I want the crying to stop. I want a positive home pregnancy test with the guarentee of a healthy baby--and that won't happen. I was high risk to begin with because of my high blood pressure and now I'll be even more high risk. I told Garrick last night that I feel cheated because even if we do get pregnant I won't be able to enjoy the pregnancy because I'll be worried the entire time because there is no gaurentee.


How do you deal with other people's pregnancies????