Miscarriage Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.
Hi everyone,
I had a new member send me a message today. She had just had a miscarriage, and she didn't think she could bear getting pregnant again because she was so afraid it would happen again. She asked me what made it possible to try again (I've had 3 m/c).
Here is what I told her:
"I know how difficult it is to even think about going through that pain again. But I had many important things that kept me going. One was a distinct advantage, and that was my little boy. He was the only thing/person that could make me smile for the longest time, and I kept thinking that it would be worth it all over again if I could have another baby that was 1/2 as wonderful, and that I loved 1/2 as much. (If you do not have that advantage, but if you have a niece/nephew, or the child of a friend who has a place in your heart, multiply it by a number you can't even count to, and that is how you will feel about your baby...there is no way I can tell you that having that child in yours arms can make anything possible to bear).
The other thing is that I am an only child, and I knew beyond any doubt that I wanted Reicher to have a sibling. That was so clear to me that I knew even if I couldn't have another baby of my own, that we would adopt so that Rei could have a sib. (We are still considering adopting).
The other thing, which I could not explain to anyone, was that I didn't feel like I was done yet. Yes, the fear of going through that again was paralyzing at times, but I didn't feel like I had tried everything I could. I found an amazing specialist (I went through 3 of them before I found her), and she "got it". So, she was also a factor in giving me the strength to try again.
And last, but certainly not least, was my amazing husband. If I couldn't try for myself again, I could try for him (he would have started having kids with me years before I was ready. We had been together for almost 7 years before we started trying). An incredibly patient man."
SO, Ladies, what other advice can you give her? What made it possible for you to try again?
I had a new member send me a message today. She had just had a miscarriage, and she didn't think she could bear getting pregnant again because she was so afraid it would happen again. She asked me what made it possible to try again (I've had 3 m/c).
Here is what I told her:
"I know how difficult it is to even think about going through that pain again. But I had many important things that kept me going. One was a distinct advantage, and that was my little boy. He was the only thing/person that could make me smile for the longest time, and I kept thinking that it would be worth it all over again if I could have another baby that was 1/2 as wonderful, and that I loved 1/2 as much. (If you do not have that advantage, but if you have a niece/nephew, or the child of a friend who has a place in your heart, multiply it by a number you can't even count to, and that is how you will feel about your baby...there is no way I can tell you that having that child in yours arms can make anything possible to bear).
The other thing is that I am an only child, and I knew beyond any doubt that I wanted Reicher to have a sibling. That was so clear to me that I knew even if I couldn't have another baby of my own, that we would adopt so that Rei could have a sib. (We are still considering adopting).
The other thing, which I could not explain to anyone, was that I didn't feel like I was done yet. Yes, the fear of going through that again was paralyzing at times, but I didn't feel like I had tried everything I could. I found an amazing specialist (I went through 3 of them before I found her), and she "got it". So, she was also a factor in giving me the strength to try again.
And last, but certainly not least, was my amazing husband. If I couldn't try for myself again, I could try for him (he would have started having kids with me years before I was ready. We had been together for almost 7 years before we started trying). An incredibly patient man."
SO, Ladies, what other advice can you give her? What made it possible for you to try again?
deleted_user
I have no children and have had 3 miscarriages. I am currently TTC. I guess for me the desire to be a mother out weighs my fear. I will always be nervous about getting pg but my "mother instinct" definitely keeps me trying. Another reason I continue to try is my husband. My husband is a wonderful man and I know he will be a great father. He was ready for children before I was. For me personally, right after my miscarriages I couldn't think of getting pg again but in time the fear became less and desire to have to child grew more. I didn't try for a least six months after my first miscarriage because I wasn't ready. I think you just come to a point when you know you are ready. I hope I helped. I wish you and your friend Good Luck.
deleted_user
I think the hole that a miscarriage brings is one that takes a long time to heal. Wanting to Be a mother is such an important part of my being that I can't imagine it not happening. I have to be able to try again becuase even though it was one of the hardest things I have been through I want to be a mother. Nothing can stop that even the fear of another miscarriage. Sometimes nothing worth having comes easy and we have to fight for what we want. THat is how I feel about having a baby. I have to fight my body and my fear to be able to be a mother. Hope this helps a little and all the best to you and your friend.
deleted_user
I echo what others have said about their desire to concieve outweighing the fear. I had two miscarriages before I concieved my first daughter. I had her, then miscarried again before having my son, then I had my second daughter who died when she was a baby. I am officially to the point where the fear outweighs the desire, but that's because I have two already and can see myself stopping there. I don't think I would ever give up hope if I didn't have my other two. Everyone has to weigh the fear against the desire, and see where they stand.
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