I lost my first baby in the second trimester. I had a healthy girl a year later. 20 months later I had twins, a boy and a girl. They were in the nicu for a month due to prematurity, but now they are home and thriving. I feel like it's harder for me to bond with them, though. I don't know if it's because I was so scared of losing them when they were in the nicu, or if I'm just overwhelmed. I have a hard time every year around Novemeber. My son would have been born on my birthday, and so it's hard for me to feel happy...I find myself thinking about how old he would've been now. I think about how my son could've had a brother. It's been over 4 years and I can't believe I still have this secret grief. I don't know who to talk to. I know I am so blessed to have my children now. And yet I'm still sad that I never got to meet my first son. I want to be closer to my twins, and I think my grief is holding me back. And I don't know what to do with this grief, it feel like it just keeps going, and it's been so long, and I wish I could just have peace with it. Has anyone else experienced something similar?
Posts You May Be Interested In
I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??