I would say that if it was too hard on her when you m/c and she couldn't be around you, then she still may have too many unresolved emotions that are still to raw. I would send her a "Thinking of You" card. just to show her that you care and it makes a big statement of your strength. At least she knows you are there whenever she is ready.

This is a tough one. It's lovely that you are thinking of her and her children. As a woman who lost her full term baby boy in utero, I know that I have longed for people to reach out to me. However, I also know that it took a year or two to stop crying whenever I saw a baby, and the fact that your baby is healthy may or may not increase her pain. I know that I was terribly jealous of other women. I hope that she is aware of support groups. Anyway, with regard to you quandry, I don't know how long or how well you've known her, but ignoring her definately won't help. Instead of flowers, perhaps you could make a donation in her daughters' names to the March of Dimes. On behalf of her, thank you for caring.

There are a few things you could do, my sister bought me a bracelet with my babies name engraved on it which is more appropriate for a girl but something to remember them by. Or you could help her hold a balloon releasing ceremony. I found the gifts people gave me for my daughter were so thoughtful we will always keep them. Even just a nice poem in a card is enough...

As I approach my daughters birth/death date, I really do long for someone other than my family to remember my daughter. Like the other suggestions, I think a Thinking Of You card would mean so very much to her. As far as your m/c was concerned, maybe she just couldn't talk about it as it just made her pain worse. I'm not her so I can only speculate how she might be feeling. I don't know that I would have been the best friend I know I can be if someone close to me had had a miscarriage at the same time or soon thereafter. I know it was such a fog for me and not that I didn't care about others, I just had so much going on in my own head/heart that to some it may have seemed like all I could do was think about me. I hope that makes sense.

Again, I would send a thinking of you card. Since her 2nd twin passed a month later, maybe you can do something more on that day. It' not just birthdays that are tough, for some the passing day is harder, for some easier. I would still send one card now so she knows you are still there, and another on the anniversary of losing her 2nd twin. HTH!

thank you so much for all of your advice. i started to pick out a card, but couldn't think of what to say. i felt like one of those "stupid people" that say the wrong thing. So i just sent her a red rose with blue carnations for each baby. I guess the flowers will just have to say it all. Any suggestions about what to do for Vincent's birthday would be great though. he died during heart sugery at almost exactly a month old.
Thank you everyone!

If I am reading the original post and follow up correctly, Vincent's birthday was the 6th of June and he had surgery and died about the 6th of July? Right? Either way, I would send a thinking of you card for the day he passed. All you really need to say is I'm thinking of you and Vincent. It doesn't have to be lots, just something as simple as that can tell her so very much. I think sometimes people think they have to keep talking/writing but many times, the simpler the writing/talking the better and more comforting it can be. I hope that makes sense.