Miscarriage Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.
I see alot of entries about being angry and lashing out. I've felt the same. I lash out for apparently no reason...but there IS a reason.
We have all suffered a great loss. And we have a right to be angry about it. But where do we direct that anger? There really is noone to be angry at - it's nobody's fault. Yet the feeling persists.
We are sad, angry, etc. All these feelings are normal, so I've been told. And they do feel normal...kind of anyway.
I have tried to be understanding of others and know that it is not just hormones talking. It's been over a year since we lost our angel and I am still angry...still sad. But time is helping to heal. As I've been more honest about our loss, and my own feelings, and more understanding about DH's feelings and actions, I have found that we are getting closer again. I'm not quite as angry or sad.
It's still alot but not quite as much.
I think that we all need to remember that we are ALLOWED to feel as we do. We lost a precious treasure. Yes, we now have angels in Heaven. But we still don't have that baby to hug and hold and cover in kisses.
It does not matter if it was our first child or our last. The pain is the same. The anger is the same. And these feelings are real.
The lack of understanding is why we come here. To be heard by and to listen to others who feel as we do and are experiencing the same things.
And what a wonderful group of ladies we all are!! I have not seen a single negative entry. I have not seen anyone not be supportive. There is a great deal of love and understanding and support on here and I think we all need to remember that when dealing with others. Including our DHs. Yes, they can be real jerks but they can also be very loving.
Hang in there Ladies! And remember that we are in this healing process together.
BIG HUGS to everyone.
We have all suffered a great loss. And we have a right to be angry about it. But where do we direct that anger? There really is noone to be angry at - it's nobody's fault. Yet the feeling persists.
We are sad, angry, etc. All these feelings are normal, so I've been told. And they do feel normal...kind of anyway.
I have tried to be understanding of others and know that it is not just hormones talking. It's been over a year since we lost our angel and I am still angry...still sad. But time is helping to heal. As I've been more honest about our loss, and my own feelings, and more understanding about DH's feelings and actions, I have found that we are getting closer again. I'm not quite as angry or sad.
It's still alot but not quite as much.
I think that we all need to remember that we are ALLOWED to feel as we do. We lost a precious treasure. Yes, we now have angels in Heaven. But we still don't have that baby to hug and hold and cover in kisses.
It does not matter if it was our first child or our last. The pain is the same. The anger is the same. And these feelings are real.
The lack of understanding is why we come here. To be heard by and to listen to others who feel as we do and are experiencing the same things.
And what a wonderful group of ladies we all are!! I have not seen a single negative entry. I have not seen anyone not be supportive. There is a great deal of love and understanding and support on here and I think we all need to remember that when dealing with others. Including our DHs. Yes, they can be real jerks but they can also be very loving.
Hang in there Ladies! And remember that we are in this healing process together.
BIG HUGS to everyone.
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A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
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Today is my 25th birthday, to my somewhat lack of surprise I can see already no one really seems to care. I've always been the kinda person to make sure that everyone I Care about feels appreciated and knew somebody had their back. I can count 4 times this year when I Went out of my way to make sure a "friend" felt good on their birthday, especially if they got left hanging. Its early in the...
But we all have to ask for some understanding in it. After all, there's really nobody to direct this anger at over our losses. It's nobody's fault. So who do we direct this anger at? EVERYONE.
I don't know if you ladies are religious, but I am. I am trying to get grounded in the word and my spiritual life. So spiritual encouragement has helped me survival this long.
If you are religious...I say God has a plan and purpose..He will provide the desires of my heart. But when I get to heaven...I need two things...my baby and an explanation!!
Daria, you are right. Our husbands catch the brunt of it, don't they? We just need to remember that they are feeling this too. Just differently. I find that by being kind to him, he is kinder and more understanding to me...and my need to cry, rage, heal. And we are becoming closer again.
Felicia, yes, I am religious but have found little to no solice in my beliefs. I know that God has a reason but WHAT IS HIS REASON? I did get a little angry at Him because I know we are good parents and I don't understand how He could have taken our precious baby from us. I know it would have been hard...I even joked with DH and told him, God's thing is to make us hit the lottery but with children, not money. Then we lost our angel. I believe God saw the humor in what I said. But I don't understand why He would take our angel Home to Heaven. I've been lost without this baby so...while I believe He has a reason for everything and we don't always know that reason, like you, when I get to Heaven, I hope He will tell me WHY??
lvnikita, I think you are very right. It being nobody's fault only adds to the anger and frustration. When there is nobody to blame, nobody to be angry at...what do we do? Where do we direct our feelings?
Flower617, I know what you mean. I had to really look hard at everything I say and do to see that I was putting everyone around me thru hell. My girls had no idea what happened. Only that Mommy needed to see the doctor alot...again. But explaining it to them, and then to others, has helped. Of course, you get the stupid comments but there is more understanding. With that comes a better sense of dealing with it.
One thing that helped us alot was taking a trip away. DH has been supportive and we've talked alot. He felt it was his fault and that I was blaming him. When he realised that this is not true, that I don't blame him, but in fact blame myself...well, things are getting better. The trip away, with the kids, really helped too. We had a great weekend visiting my family and that happiness that I hadn't felt in over a year seems to be returning. It's slow and painful but it is coming back.
I've made a conscious effort to be happy. To return to the mom/wife/daughter I used to be. I'm getting there. And I feel better now. I still hurt and I still cry alot but I can smile now...and laugh. That is something I never thought I would do again.
And with this, the anger and outbursts aren't nearly as frequent. I hope this helps everyone who reads it.
And HANG IN THERE LADIES! WE WILL GET THRU THIS TOGETHER!!