So a little over a month ago I had an M/C and it's been really hard. Well, two nights ago (christmas eve) I was talking to my A.Mom about it and crying and just expressing that I'm afraid to let go of the pain and the sadness and my baby because it feels like it will mean just forgetting my baby and I refuse to. I believe my baby is with my father, uncle and grandmother in heaven and being protected until his/her time to come back to me arrives and I'm afraid if I let go of the sadness then my baby will look down and feel like I don't care anymore if I'm not sad. I was telling my A.mom I wish I had a way of knowing my baby knows that even though I'm ready to work through the loss, I still love him/her with every fiber of my being and that will never change...then later I was talking to my baby's father and he asked me what I wanted for christmas and I said "a white christmas, I've only had one of those and snow always makes me feel at peace and right now I could use it because I feel so chaotic and mixed up..or for our baby to show that he or she knows how I feel about him or her.." He called me christmas day and said " it's snowing and it's your present from our baby. See. Peanut knows and is listening and wanted you to be happy on christmas" Miracle or freak weather (seattle gets a white christmas once in a blue moon)? I'm not really sure, I just know that it snowing on christmas day is exactly what I needed.
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