I am getting very close to that 2 years since finding out that my baby had no cardiac activity. My heart was ripped out of me that day and it has been the hardest two years of my life so far. Some days I feel like its been years since I was even pregnant and some days I feel acceptance about my loss and feel hopeful but other days I feel like it just happened yesterday. Today is one of those days. I just woke up sad. I miss my baby so much but its been two years why can't I move on??? I fear I am going to struggle with this until I get a baby in my arms and I DON'T CONTROL that and have no idea when or if that will happen. That thought is terrifying. I am TERRIFIED that I will never be a mother and I know these aren't rational thoughts and this is catastrophic thinking but it's hard so hard some days to not just feel doomed and lost. Family isn't as understanding anymore because it has been 2 years and they don't understand why I can't let go of my loss and move on. I don't know either why I am struggling too move on I just feel like a freak to still be so sad over losing a baby I never even held. But, I would NEVER judge another woman posting that they are still sad 2 years later so why I AM I BEING SO HARD ON MYSELF?
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