Well Not sure how to start this post. I went into ER on Sunday night because I had dark colored spotting, I have two other children and when I was pregnant with them never had any type of bleeding, so IO knew something was wrong. I had been sick the a couple of days before this but thought it was just a virus and I would get better and I did, when we got to ER I was then having real bad lower back pain. Doctor checked me out and said he was not sure why I had the dark colored blood and "matter" in my vagina and that it was not "normal". He did an ultra sound and we found baby with a heartbeat and seemed to be fine! We were all happy and relieved and I was told to go home and rest in bed until the bleeding and pain stopped and to keep my pre-natal appointment that Wednesday (my first pre-natal appointment), the pain and bleeding never stopped and in fact the bleeding went from brown to red and the back pain was still there and worse. Well when I went to my appointment my hormone levels had dropped and the doc did another US that revealed that I had indeed miscarried, she said that my body was taking care of everything and there would probably be no need for a D&C and sent me home. Friday had to have my hormone levels checked to make sure they were going down and at this point I am in terrible pain, dizzy fatigue just in bad shape, that night I ended up back in the ER for heavy bleeding and severe pain, they checked my cervix and there was some "matter" or "tissue" stuck in my opening and the doc removed what he could see and gave me pain medication through an IV they watched me for a while and then sent me home with instrictions that basically said that I am to stay in bed and do nothing till the miscarriage is complete, he said this could take anywhere from days to weeks? I was really upset about this and understand why they do not want to do a D&C but at the same time this is agonizing to go through and I feel like my husband does not understand. We got into a fight last night because I asked him to send for his mom or mine and he refused, and then refused to tale off from work to help me through this, I am a stay at home mom of a four year old and he even refused to send him to daycare because I am unable to take proper care of him during the day when we are alone, he basically thinks that two days rest over this weekend is enough and that I need to then get up and get moving, I am so hurt and tired of being strong for everyone else, I really resent and hate him right now. My mom and I are really close and it is hard being overseas in Germany with no family support, friends here are great but I really want my mom right now! I feel so alone and weak. My husband is all gun ho for trying for another one but I'm not even sure if we are going to make it through this as a couple, when I try to share my feelings with him he tells me he does not want to talk about it and tells me to stop talking about it, I need help understanding how baby had a heartbeat on Sunday and nothing on Wednesday...What do I do? It feels like the bottom fell from under me in a matter of days...yesterday I was angry, today I feel sad and hopeless, what will tomorrow bring. My faith is holding me together, I don't resent or feel anger towards other pregnant women I actually feel happy for them, as I have several friends right now who are pregnant or have just had babies, but what do I do about my life and feelings at this point?
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