Why can't you hug her and cry with her? Even if you aren't near her to go see her, then call her on the phone. For me, the thing that helped most was my friends who called and cried with me - it was more hurtful when friends just ignored me, or talked to me but not about the miscarriage.

That being said, everyone is different - so your sister may not want or be able to talk about what has happened yet. But just letting her know you're there for her is enough.

I'm so sorry for you sister's loss...and your loss, too. You are already doing so much for her just by asking what you can do for her.

I am so sorry that your sister is going through this. Every person is different in the way they grieve, so you'll have to take your cues from her. You probably know her as well as anyone, so you already know what makes her feel better.
Below is some advice from a website "groovy treasures". This woman suffered three miscarriages, and wrote this advice:
"First of all, let's talk about a few things you should never say or do to a person who has suffered a miscarriage:

* Never think, "She will bring it up if she wants to talk about it." Rather than putting all of the burden of bringing up a delicate topic on the person who is suffering, take it upon yourself to do so. Now, you may be thinking, "I don't want her to start crying!" Would you rather she cry alone? Because she will. You may be thinking, "I don't want to make her uncomfortable." It is an uncomfortable situation. If she doesn't want to talk, she will tell you so. But she may be ready. She may not be ready to talk about it for another year, but you can let her know you are available when/if she needs you. At some point she will need to talk to someone about it. Don't wait for someone else to volunteer - that someone may never come along.

* Do NOT say, "Well, there was probably something wrong with the baby and it was God's way of sparing you the pain." Ok, look. There may have been something wrong with the baby. But do you think any mother, especially one that just lost their baby and all of the hopes and dreams attached to that little life, would deny a child, HER child, no matter what physical or mental ailment it may have had?

* Another no-no, "You can always try again." Sure. That's true. But don't say it when someone is in the midst of grieving. They don't want to think about the future in that respect at this point. They need to grieve first. Allow her that. Let her heal and then she will move on and think about the future.

Now that I've lectured a bit, let's talk about some things you can do or say that may help. Now, not all of these instances are right for each and every person. But if you try any or all of these ideas and show her you are doing it out of love, then it cannot be taken badly.

* Buy her a teddy bear for her baby. Yes, I know she just lost her baby, but hear me out. When I had my first miscarriage I had just received a freebie box of Similac formula in the mail and it had come with a little teddy bear about the size of my hand. When I came home from the hospital after my miscarriage I found that bear on the dining room table. I hugged it and I cried. That was my baby's first toy. I still have it. I keep it on my dresser and every once in a while I will look at it and remember. And, to me, that's not a bad thing - which I will explain later.
For a while I was ministering to women who have miscarried. I would always take them a teddy bear for their baby and it was never taken badly because I would explain something like this- "I brought this for you in case you hadn't gotten any toys for your baby yet. I know you're sad and you may not want to think about it now, but somewhere down the road you may wish that you had your baby's first toy. If you have something else you would rather keep, that's fine, I can take this back with me. But if you would like to keep it and hold onto it, I would love for you to have it. You may want to put it in a box somewhere until you're ready or display it, like I do mine. Whatever you choose is up to you."

* Let her know that she will see her baby again. This is very comforting and something I believe very strongly. Your religious beliefs may vary. Her's might as well. But if you can find a gentle way to relay this message, she could find great comfort in it. I believe when I die I will go to heaven. I believe my babies are there right now. I also believe that when I walk through the gates of heaven I will see my babies - and they will know me and I will know them. We won't have to be introduced. We will know each other. And I will finally get to hold and kiss my angels. I don't know if they will be babies, full grown, what they will look like or what I will look like, but I'll know them, and they will know me.

* Wish her a Happy Mother's Day. When Mother's Day comes around, if there is someone who has suffered a miscarriage that you have held, cried with, comforted through that hard time. Give them a gentle hug and whisper Happy Mother's Day. Let them know they aren't forgotten.

* Keep in touch. The grieving process can take days, weeks, or months. Don't let her go through it alone.

* Remember, her husband is grieving too.

This is far from an exclusive list of do-s and don'ts, but it is my hope that this information will help someone who needs it. Now, or in the future."

There are also a number of websites and organizations that help women deal with stillbirths and miscarriages. One of the largest is the MISSfoundation.org
They will be able to help find a support group for her to attend, if there is one in her area.

Your sister is lucky to have you, to help her through this.
Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help.

WOW Thank you so much

First, someone asked me why I cant cry with my sister?

GOOD QUESTION; We grew up in very abusive situations and were taught not to feel, or show feeling. Our father was sadistic.

I want sooo badly to hold her tight and cry with her but I dont know how. My sister does not know how.

She does see a counselor and has gone back.

I LOVE the advice provided it is just what I needed I have been begging for some direction from anyone, and you were both so giving by sharing and helping me.

So THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH and I cant say that enough.

It must be so hard for anyone to have to answer someone like me.

I can't even imagine how my sister feels, because I feel alone, scared and keep flashing back to holding my sisters beautiful newborn (stillborn) baby girl. GOd only knows what she feels and remembers. If I miss the baby this much what must my sister be feeling?

I am so sad that my sister has to endure such trama and torture, and yet I cant fix this for her.

My job in our relationship is to help make everything ok. To fix things for her. In my own way that is all I could ever give my sister.

Now this? I cant fix this....so all I have is making sure I dont break her anymore then she is already.

I hope it is ok to write in here and I am not breaking any rules, but there is no place for me to speak about this and other groups I belong to might not understand.

Of course it's okay for you to write here! I find it so lovely that you care so much for your sister that you would seek out information just so you can help her. Even though you can't really hug her or cry with her, you doing this shows just how much you care. And who better to ask than those who have experienced the same thing? Just being there for her is doing a lot for her.

Hug your sister through words if you can. Even give her this website and let her know there are others out there that want to help with the grieving process. At a time like this is a good time to maybe learn to cry and hug each other. This may help get over other tragic situations in your lives.
I am sorry for your loss and your sister's loss. Know that we are here to listen and help if we can.
Virtual Hugs

Everyone is different, as far as what they want or don't want following stillbirth. I have spoken to many women here about their experiences & it is amazing how many different ideas, theories, etc that there are. Personally, I don't want any of my family or friends to ever forget my daughter, even for a second. I want her to always be acknowledged as a member of my family, even tho she is not here with us. I think it is great that your sister is going to counselling, & also that you have taken it upon yourself to come here & ask for this advice. That's what we are all here for, to help each other, & please don't think you are doing the 'wrong' thing or breaking any rules! Hugs for u & your sister...

the advice given has been used and has made such a difference.

My heart is warmed by how generous the people of this sight are.

My sister sent me a picture of her daughter yesterday, and her daughter was soooo beautiful. Thanks to this sight I told her so.

I truly believe I am able to comunicate more with my sister thanks to the kind advice I have been givin here.

Trust me she needs you now more than ever...
I just misscarried my baby and my sisters have not come toward me with affection and I wish they would at this moment all i want is to be held and cry all that i must talk to her hold her cry with her trust me Im the oldest of 4 and I need my sisters now more than ever. Be there for your sister she needs to let all the hurt out.

The best thing my family did for me is to not try and forget my baby. Dont be afraid to talk about her baby and never never say things like "you can have another baby" or "it happened for a reason" the best comments people made to me were "I dont know what your going through but I want you to know that I am sorry" Good luck and know that your a great sister for caring enough to ask for help

My first Christmas and Thanksgiving were hard after my daughter died (she died just after she was born). My sister and my parents made sure I knew they were thinking of her. My sister gave me a card "from" my daughter which meant a lot. They also made sure to call on her birthday/send cards. It's things like this that keep our lost children in the forefront. I think one of our biggest fears is that people will forget about our lost children. I agree with pretty much everything that has also been posted. Let your sister know that she can count on you and that you will be that shoulder to cry on if she wants or you will listen to her feelings. Maybe for Christmas you can find a wonderful ornament for her daughter. Thanks for being such a loving and supportive sister.

I have sufferd 3 miscarriages and recently found out that I have a 25% chance of having a child. This news hit me like a mac truck. my sisters have kept me sane. While you should talk about it and be there for her make sure that you do some of the normal things you have always done... like watch a movie or go out to eat and lauph with her... she also needs to be reasurred that you still love her for her and that she is first and foremost your sister and nomatter what life brings that will never change... you might even tell her that something like..

I know were not really good at showing our emotions but I want you to know that what has happend to you breaks my heart as well. I want you to know that I hate that this happend and I wish I could make it better for you. I want you to know that when you are ready to talk I am here to listen and you can come to me at anytime. I love you and I am so glad that you are my sister I know that you will get through this.

Be positive but dont neglect the fact that this sucks really bad.

Hope that this info helped, and another key dont tell her some people have it worse or anything like that my sis make that mistake sometimes and I know they dont mean to but were only human..

Tell her also that youre not really sure what you can do for her but nomatter what it is you want to help her if that means planting a baby garden together or taking her other child so that she can go get her hair cut or a massage, whatever helps her!

I have sufferd 3 miscarriages and recently found out that I have a 25% chance of having a child. This news hit me like a mac truck. my sisters have kept me sane. While you should talk about it and be there for her make sure that you do some of the normal things you have always done... like watch a movie or go out to eat and lauph with her... she also needs to be reasurred that you still love her for her and that she is first and foremost your sister and nomatter what life brings that will never change... you might even tell her that something like..

I know were not really good at showing our emotions but I want you to know that what has happend to you breaks my heart as well. I want you to know that I hate that this happend and I wish I could make it better for you. I want you to know that when you are ready to talk I am here to listen and you can come to me at anytime. I love you and I am so glad that you are my sister I know that you will get through this.

Be positive but dont neglect the fact that this sucks really bad.

Hope that this info helped, and another key dont tell her some people have it worse or anything like that my sis make that mistake sometimes and I know they dont mean to but were only human..

Tell her also that youre not really sure what you can do for her but nomatter what it is you want to help her if that means planting a baby garden together or taking her other child so that she can go get her hair cut or a massage, whatever helps her!

not sure why that posted 2 times?

Hug her and cry with her. Share your story with her and how you got through or are getting through yours and her loss. Sharing is caring. Bring a meal to her house and have girl talk, trust me my mom and I did that (I don't have any sisters) and she shared her story and it helped.