I just can't seem to get past this depression! Here lately all I do is cry. I lost my son march 17, 07. And since then I have just been sliding into a deep depression. I pretend I'm OK but I'm not. Everything makes me upset any little thing sets me off. God, I just can't take much more. I think about suicide a lot, But I could never hurt myself intentionally, I couldn't leave my boys w/out a mommy. But I wish something bad would happen to me just so I wouldn't feel anymore. I don't want to be around anyone even my kids and husband. I'm always trying to make up excuses as why I can't sleep w/ him. And when I do sleep w/ him I'm only half way there. I'm just thinking hurry up so I can shower and go to sleep. Most days I lye in bed and cry. My b-day is coming up and that depresses me under normal circumstances. I just feel like another year has gone by and all that I have to show for it is I'm fatter. I hate my body(for not being able to carry Brayden)I hate myself for allowing myself to get to this point. I used to suffer from severe depression as a teen and young adult, till I had my oldest Caleb. I don't think it ever went away it just got bearable and for me that's basically the same thing. I just want to be a normal happy person!!!!! Is that too much to ask for in life? It doesn't help that I can't talk to anybody about it cause no one takes me seriously. My mom actually told me I'm depressed cause I chose to be that way. Who would ever choose to feel the way I do? I just wish someone would hold me and tell me things will get better, that things will be OK, and that they love me. I just feel so alone in this pain, I AM ALONE AND I WANT TO DIE!
Posts You May Be Interested In
A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
Today is my 25th birthday, to my somewhat lack of surprise I can see already no one really seems to care. I've always been the kinda person to make sure that everyone I Care about feels appreciated and knew somebody had their back. I can count 4 times this year when I Went out of my way to make sure a "friend" felt good on their birthday, especially if they got left hanging. Its early in the...