I just can't seem to get past this depression! Here lately all I do is cry. I lost my son march 17, 07. And since then I have just been sliding into a deep depression. I pretend I'm OK but I'm not. Everything makes me upset any little thing sets me off. God, I just can't take much more. I think about suicide a lot, But I could never hurt myself intentionally, I couldn't leave my boys w/out a mommy. But I wish something bad would happen to me just so I wouldn't feel anymore. I don't want to be around anyone even my kids and husband. I'm always trying to make up excuses as why I can't sleep w/ him. And when I do sleep w/ him I'm only half way there. I'm just thinking hurry up so I can shower and go to sleep. Most days I lye in bed and cry. My b-day is coming up and that depresses me under normal circumstances. I just feel like another year has gone by and all that I have to show for it is I'm fatter. I hate my body(for not being able to carry Brayden)I hate myself for allowing myself to get to this point. I used to suffer from severe depression as a teen and young adult, till I had my oldest Caleb. I don't think it ever went away it just got bearable and for me that's basically the same thing. I just want to be a normal happy person!!!!! Is that too much to ask for in life? It doesn't help that I can't talk to anybody about it cause no one takes me seriously. My mom actually told me I'm depressed cause I chose to be that way. Who would ever choose to feel the way I do? I just wish someone would hold me and tell me things will get better, that things will be OK, and that they love me. I just feel so alone in this pain, I AM ALONE AND I WANT TO DIE!
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