Due to all the crap that has gone on with my doctor and her phoning my specialist to tell them she has concerns with my need for so much treatment. She basically was stating that she thought I had a drug seeking problem....(my journal has all the details as well as my other post "Sick of my Doctor" )
So I have decided that I would rather suffer at home for however long it takes to get over severe migraine pain (or other pain for that matter) than to ever receive ER treatment again. Why? Because while suffering at home, nobody can call me a "drug seeker" or that I have "drug seeking behavior". I cannot bear the thought of people thinking that about me. Especially people that I grew to trust, like my military GP, who has recently put the label of "drug seeking behaviour" on me even though it was HER treatment plan to treat me with dilaudid. This has torn me apart emotionally and it nearly had me turned away for my botox treatment from a specialist that I had been waiting a long time to see. My military GP phoned the specialist (a neurologist I had waited a long time to get on his patient roster) yesterday to discuss her "concerns" about me. So when I arrived today for the botox treatment, the neurologist told me about her phone call and that he now had "concerns" and "doubts" about taking me on as a patient especially if I was going to continue the "drug seeking".
So I told him my side of the story and I reminded him that even though my doctor may now think that of me, she still sent me home with other meds and advised me to take up 72 mg of dilaudid.(I believe the exact dosage was 12mg of dilaudid every 2-4 hours as needed)...a dosage that I have never taken at home EVER. This was because on Wednesday she gave me an unusually high dose of I.V. Dilaudid and 72mg oral was supposed to "equal" what she gave me and she wanted me to take that amount so I did not end up in her treatment room again. So in one day I was told not to go back for anymore treatment from the military clinic (I will be released soon anyway) and that I was displaying signs of drug seeking properties....and given rx for ridiculous amounts of meds that I would never take at home in any given day...no matter what the pain. Yes I had taken pain meds at home...but never that amount. She told me to take that amount so that she wouldn't need to treat me anymore.
So this has lead me to my decision to NEVER end up in an ER again for migraine treatment. Even if my migraine is so severe and going on for weeks, as this last migraine was....I am not exaggerating when I say I was between 9/10 and on days that felt like 10/10 pain for weeks on end without a break.
It will take a while for me to recover from the humiliation of this accusation and I NEVER want to feel that humiliation again. Especially since I had tried to be so careful with how and when and how many pain meds I took on my own. This embarrassment is worse than any headache pain. I have lost all faith in the medical system. I just pray I don't have to endure the same type of pain that this past month has dealt me for more than a couple of days if at all.
I also hope that nobody else will ever have to come to this point!