Addictions, especially crystal meth sucks everyone around the addict into the addiction. The addict doesn't realize what they are doing and they don't care. They only care about crystal, nothing else matters. So you can't be pissed at your husband, you can be pissed at the drug that holds such a tight grip on the addict. 119 days clean is wonderful, but it's not the end to his addiction,cravings. Meth sits in the body/brain and keeps calling the user back. He truly needs to continue support with rehab/meetings. The chances of relapse are tremendous. You can't make him clean. He has to have the strength and the willingness to stop the addiction and truly needs professionl support. I'm not a meth addict, I'm not a recovering addict. I'm a mother who tried to help her son overcome his drug addictions for 10 years. 6 years was cyrstal meth. Austin was a monster when he used meth.He would have periods of being clean for months, but meth was always on his mind. He couldn't find the way to break the grip. Austin was 22 and he took his life last August before being apprehended in a car jacking. You have to decide how much strength you have to fight for yourself in his addiction. How much you will allow yourself to be put in the path of destruction. A great site to visit to talk to addicts and recovering addicts is
www.kci.org
It's an anti meth website. I visit there alot.
Also please visit my son's memorial website,light a candle, read Austins' story and share with others.
I miss Austin so much.
May Austin's story scare the hell out of the addicts,make them cry and give them strength to fight meth.
www.austin-hesse.last-memories.com

Blessings to you.
Jil

Dear 1 Lost your husband has done a very noble thing where is your compassion he probably dont make ammends in fear of rejection it happens to most addicts and not to mention the guilt factor its makes one go dorment and withdraw so you must love him back to sanity and put that past to rest.do you think he likes what he has done ?ofcourse not thats why he got some help and it will get better.He did not get to be an addict over night it takes time precious time so please be patient w/ him and dont let him fall into a regretful situation. when a man feels rejection he act out and that means he wants attention and if it dont come he may very well harm himself to get that attention.move slowly w/ him love him hes trying to change but he needs your support.thank God you are not in the addiction..deral

Thank you jmarie for your words and I am so sorry to hear about your son. I could not imagine going through this with my child it would tear my soul out. I truly feel for you. I really do try to look at it as the drug that did this but it is really hard. I am doing the best I can and (to deral) I am glad I am not in the addiction per say but really I am in it and I was not the one who chose to go buy 2 years ago and smoke it. My husband Austin was but because of that chose he made i am apart of the addiction now whether I like it or not and that is a really hard place to be. Maybe if I was the one that chose to bring this into my life it would be a little easier to deal with. As a great friend of mine said (he is a recovery addict clean for 2 years) this is a disease true but it is a disease with a choice. First you make the choice to buy and then once you use it you become an addict and then it is hell to let it go. I want to be supportive and helpful but it really hard when I look at what he has done to me and our children. I feel we were drag into this and now we just have to deal with it and that really sucks. I know I could chose to pack up and leave and believe me I have thought of that MANY times but I would love to keep our family together but I just don't know how to not be angry. And in the end I also need support just as he does to work through what it has done to me and our relationship. Thanks for the words and it is nice to have somewhere to come and talk...

Dear 1Lost I really know that your struggle is exhaustive in that situation and time is a very critical element in the solution that you need.I know you are hurting and hurt brings on resentment toward that person that disrupted your american dream family house husband happiness joy,kids and milk and honey but you are not alone in your misery and when you think you just cant take anymore of that terrible past look around read the news paper watch the world news and hopefully graditude will come and that misery will eventually go away.hypothedically lets observe the many chances that his addiction is present and your sences lean toward the same old feelings you had when you knew for sure that he was using.If so then there lies the problem but you have got to know the signs before you react or comfront.Now lets get started,sleep patterns are very simulair in all working folks a man works 8 to 10 12 hours a day he has to sleep atleast 5 to 8 hours does your man sleep as the normal working man does,yes is good no is a sign,now eating 2 to 3 meals a day is common no man can work and not eat properly yes good no sign,now lets observe communication,and im talking eye to eye no looking around when in conversation.If there is destraction on that person w/ every drop of the hat,or pins then yes is bad sign no is very good sign.In my addiction I would find a place away from my wife and kids to shoot my dope but leave the house was not an option that was my domain also and i would hang out in the garage or the bathroom door locked for even hours at a time.Eric Clapton sings ooooh that smell the smell that is around you.He was refering to either crank or herion being used and believe me if someone is using they will smell like no other smell in this planet,the sweat is like water that seepes thru the ground and ends up in the river its filterd but its still water and nitrogen in which we recognize that smell as water.The smell of a meth user is very toxic and acidic the smell is undeniable Do you know that smell?I am not emplementing anything but to be aware is to be alive know the signs first know the approuch second.Now lets address the issues according to what you have told us maybe even underlying issues.Anger at your husband w/119 days clean is a relapse trigger for him,please if you are angry at him please dont show it or throw his past addiction in his face thats a loaded gun.love him comfort him tell him you are proud of his efforts.His closet is clean no more bones but the door remains unlocked and opened.anger and hate from a loved one is the #1 relapse trigger even bigger than the cravings so be soft and gentle and if you must harbor anger and hate then be prepared to go through the same old trip.If nothing changes nothing changes the addiction prevails.All meetings are information for the addict and the family your solution may very well be there but 123 meetings is the preface of the book theres much to read and learn you dont have to share at any meeting all you have to do is listen but if someone seems to be glorifying the drug then thats called shooting dope call them on it.Selfesh no honey your not being selfesh you are only trying to save the as one concept you know the vows,he and you are 1 but you feel the divition lurking above your head and you want closer to that addiction.When a man has no remorse or is nonrepentant no graditude to the ones that helped then there is an underlying issue and that has got to be the real problem.If there are things in your house that makes you relive that terrible drug then remove it paint over it dark colors bring glum and sadness bright colors bring happiness and hope.How do I know this Im involved in the realestate business and colors speak volumes.Ist called a makeover and that will snowball into a wonderful thing.Trust me If your man is clean then things will get better but dont be deceived we all have trials but our shoulders are designed to carry so much and then we must cast the weight upon a loved one thats willing to bare your burdens.We are here in cyber but you must have faith that this site will be praying for you.Follow your heart not your flesh and whatever happens happens move on w/ a heart of love.It works moma knows and i listen Im ok now Im free from that grip and so can you be.....Respectfully yours
DERAL

Thanks deral I am glad I do have a place to vent. I am proud of him being clean and would love for him to stay that way. I try really hard to not show my anger towards him but sometimes it is really hard. I wish I could wake up tomorrow and this all be a bad dream but I know that will not happen. I do know the signs and I watch for them like a hawk and haven't seen in in 121 days and I am glad for that. I just want the amends from him or just to know he is sorry and maybe I am wishing for that to soon... I don't know what is right or wrong my first trip down this road. I hope that I can move on from my anger and be a happier person. I do have to say one good thing that has come from this is I don't not judge people as I use to and I am so thankful for that change in me.
thank you again for the words and support.

Dear 1Lost thank you for your return I am so proud of the both of you and your confirmation of his being clean brings joy to my heart,stats show that only 3 to 4 % addicts remain clean after treatment in most cases that 3&4% continue to work the 12 step program,a very viable and important program.The program was desighned by a group of alcoholics the main chair person was a Dr.Bob he put in place the carefully compiled 12 steps he was very intelligent even in his addiction and he repeats over and over that if we work thoses steps and make it to the 12th step which tells us to reach out to other addicts and help them then we have made the complete turn around that leads us to a sober future. Dr. Bob would drive 100s of miles to hospitals to comfort and plant that seed concerning sobriety.A very dedicated and noble man.you see when we decide to stop that drug and come clean there is a void whithin our soul body and spirit and we must fill that void w/ something so we have so many options to fill that void it can be many chemicals,or even being ungratefull toward the ones that helped us thru the maddness.Its called "well Ill show them I can do this on my own" and then they think why should i be grateful to anyone cuz i fixed myself they didnt.Men are the most pridefull beings on earth yet they are the only species that kill there on kind very odd huh .The only thing I can think of that has to be done to salvage your hope and family is either you both go to marrige couseling, or you both go to AA,NA,or ALENONE,and he must work those steps w/ the help of a sponsor 90days 90 meetings that 1/5th of a year simple to do specially w/ the time going by so fast.Kids are welcomed at meetings as long as they dont disrupt the meeting you know its like a church if your child gets irritable and acts out you as a parent takes the child out away from the people and addresses the problem if the child cant be comforted then you leave but leave that husband at the meeting and pick him up afterwards.He must work the steps in order for you all as a family to get closier,now your gonna get feedback from someone that disagrees w/ me about the steps and thats fine but they must impliment a known and populiar solution to the problem facts not i thinks or its their opinion those do not work simply because there is no formula no order and most of all no one there to keep that person in check like a sponsor.The problem is he thinks , he dosent need a program.The solution a program of 12 steps a sponsor and your observation at those meetings,if hes not willing then there again is an underlying issue and we you or a program wont help,he must be honest w/ you and the program....good luck and ill be praying for your family....DERAL

1LOST- ALANON is a grat group but if you really want to understand more than I would go sit in a open NA meeting. Most NA groups have open meeting's.It is not selfish to think of yourself and your childern but as for your husband in rehab and even your 12-step groups they tell you to think about yourself, at this point in his recovery his main priority is to think about his recovery. I know that sounds very selfish of the addict to do but he cannot fix everything at once and before he fix's anything he must fix himself. As for making a amends agian that will come later in his recovery. I really think that going to a meeting would help you-- then you would understand the steps and just the general way a addict thinks. People working a program say JUST FOR TODAY and that is what they mean your husband can not change what he did yesterday and he doesn't know what he will do tomorrow all he can think is that he is clean for today and that in it's self is a great acomplishment.I hope I have helped even a little. My thoughts are with every addict and those that love them every day is a struggle

dear tiedyedap thank you for your input i will consider your thoughts the next time i dig all over my body for a vein to shoot dope and i believe the last 1000th time i attended NA i was offered meth after the group so i keep my meetings at AA simply because there seems to be more sober time and its mostly the older crowd and im male 45 yrs old and the program im working is called celebrate recovery its at the church but thanks anyhow for your concerns and time ...luv DERAL

Deral, I have been attending NA meetings and what you say is true. Alot of the people there are current users, and people I have partied with, you can smell it on them. I have been offered it many times at meetings and have therefore discontinued going. Up until this point I managed to make it through them via my cell phone and with a good friend on the other end of it. I call him during breaks and on the way home to help me to remain strong. But for now I am forgoing attending. Maybe when I feel stronger I will go again. :)

Dearest fallen you are doing very well and your strength will come back,please dont get me wrong about NA but it seems that the younger crowd goes to these meetings and you and I know how things can be decieving w/ the younger generation outside the NA walls besides AA meetings are more plentyful and there always seems to be more emotions in those groups but like you said even a simple phone call can rescue us from that terrible grip so what might work for some might not work for others but as in your testominy we need you because you have broken the chains and your encouragement brings hope.If I was wrong and if I offended anyone in anyway Im sorry but like Ive always said I speak from past experiance not I heard so,s.By all means my friends if NA is the thing for you then please keep going but always recognize the ones and the signs outside of the walls,stay arm and arm w/ a recovering addict...Fallen you are wonderful and its okay to check a person when you are right...luv DERAL

Deral you are so right. NA may work for some. And if it does for someone then that is awesome. It obviously works for people or it wouldnt still be such a huge organization. For me though it almost makes me crave meth, because you can smell it on people, you can see it in their eyes. That is also the same thing making me stay away from it, if it is so obvious to me that they are on it, how obvious was it to people that I was.....

Dear Deral I am so sorry you feel that way about NA. But I have found that NA works, and as far as it being for the younger addicts I do not agree. Where I go to NA there are very few people younger than me, most in our meetings are in their 30's-40s a few older and of course a few younger. Also we have several there that have many years clean, many have 5-25 years. I also have been to many AA meetings where I have later seen meeting goers at the local bar, But that is neither here nor there I was just simply suggesting to someone who was aksing for help. I feel that you will find good and bad at either meeting and as long as your there and get the message that is being sent than you have went to the right place

Yea your right NA is a good place for all that need suppport and worth the 12 steps thats availible your doing the right thing stay involved ...DERAL

Dear tyedye your right NA is a good place to get what you need so hang in there and apply what you can to help these people ok thanks for your post and write me any time Ill be there for you or anyone ..much luv DERAL

U r justified in being pissed. But you need to forgive him long enough for u to regain control over the anger. Don't self destruct or have a melt down yourself. Find enjoyable hobbies and enjoy what humor that irony can define as much as you possibly can. Gather your senses.