Don't let your husband intimadate you with his games. And you are right not to trust him, he misued his trust with you and you need to stand your ground for future needs.

When he starts his recovery process he will have some hard times, and get angry. Angry a lot. You know he is doing the right thing then. After that he will kind of glow, like a pregnancy or new Christian glow.

When he is secretive he is still in the disease, and you may need to divorce him. If you want to get back together do it only if you both can get some conseling. This will help you and him.

I have been where you are not too long ago. You asked if you should walk and let him hit rock bottom or stay and support his addiction. I don't know if this is the right or wrong thing to do but for me I had to let him hit bottom and do so in a way that he did not bring me down with him. He had been using for over a year and even though I knew it, I couldn't prove it until one night last summer, he assaulted me during a crash period. At this time he went to jail. The next morning after I got out of the hospital, I started going through his stuff, his hiding places (he used to camp out in the garage for days) that I did not have access to before were now wide open. I found his stash of drugs and paraphrenalia. He began calling that afternoon trying to make bond and when I told him no, he began threatening me. I went immediately to the police department and pressed formal charges for the assault, rather than waiting for the state to pick it up. Then I filed a restraining order against him. I knew he was going through withdrawals and that it was killing him to stay in jail but I also knew that it was time for some tough love. I accepted one more collect call from him to let him know that I had pressed charges and that he would not be getting out. He was furious and that was the hardest thing I ever had to do, was to turn my back on him and make the choice to leave him in jail. I testified against him a month later and he was sentenced to 6 mos. in jail. During this time though, I turned my life and will over to God. I couldn't have made it without that. I began praying for my husband. After he had been there for a couple of months, and I had cut off all communication with him, I would not take calls or accept letters from him because I was not seeing any positive changes. After a couple of months of being there and once the drugs were out of his system, his mind became clearer and he began to take responsibility for his actions, before that he was still blaming me for where he was. I gave him to God, there was nothing I could do for him, he had to seek help on his own. I left him alone and started working on repairing the damage that his addiction had done to me and my children. We got into counseling and started attending a church that embraces addicts in recovery and we waited. Not long after that I recieved word that he had entered a faith based treatment program and I knew that leaving him in jail was the best thing that I could have done. After 6 mos. he was released and is a little over 6 mos. clean. He attends church with us and we are on our way back to being a functioning family again. Your husband can change but you need to be aware of him telling you what you want to hear. If he says he is in treatment, make him prove it. He has betrayed your trust. If you need reassurance then that should not be a problem. My husband thanks me today for my actions. Turns out the thing that I thought would tear us apart actually brought us closer together and it saved his life. You have a long road ahead of you, you love him and you are at war with a demon stronger than yourself for his very soul. Don't give up on him but don't get sucked in to his sickness. Love him enough to let him fall. The greatest piece of advice I can give is in an acronym P.U.S.H. Pray Until Something Happens. My thoughts are with you.