I married for the 2nd time in 1992. My husband and I met in church. I really enjoyed our relationship for 18 months then decided to marry. He played in the worship team & I taught Sunday school (children) All was so perfect for the first 7 years. Then in 1999 it all started to fall apart. My husband decided to start playing in nite clubs. We didn't even discuss it, he just said one day that he was going to audition for a band that was looking for a drummer. He did and was hired. I of course had a big problem with it because never in my wildest dreams did I think he would end up playing in a nite club. I think this is when he started mid-life crisis. He started smoking, drinking, coming home at 3,4,5 a.m. & a few times he forgot to come home. A phone call from him was just out of the question because I would ruin his fun. I don't even know when he started smoking pot and buying porn magazines & CD's. I thought I was over reacting to this problem but now as I play it all over & over in my mind, I was experiencing peri-menopause. I was acting like a wild woman. I once found his cigarettes and tore them all apart. I even tried to shove a joint in his mouth and told him to smoke it NOW so I can see what it does for him. A couple of times I tried to physically hurt him. I don't know what came over me. I used to be a good, happy, loving, understanding, patient, caring person. Now I don't know who I am. I've tried counseling, read books on anger management, talked to my pastor nothing has helped. Now I'm on HRT & antidepressants. (2 weeks into meds) to early to feel relief. I wonder if I'll ever feel good again. It's been a long battle. I just want to lay down a rest for a very long time. When will my hormones get balance? NEVER??????????
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