For all of my 26 years of marrage and all of the years before that since I was 13 I have been a user. I have only in the last 10 years become an alchoholic. I have used cocaine in years past but that bitch is the rake. I have for all those years argued constantly with my wife that the amount I smoke (3 to 4 one hits daily) is nothing. It is medisinal. I argued that with the woman I love dearly because I beleived it. I am and always have been a happier person when I have my self-medication. Outside things like my job and the stresses of raising kids and making ends meet got me thinking I wanted a drink. Just beer and some nights I would have a couple. As the years went by my wife kept nagging me and a couple became quite a few. Now I can drink well over a 12 pack in an evening, but I still only would smoke a very small amount. A few years ago she came down on me hard and said she was leaving if I didn't quit so I did for some 6 months but she didn't change. I had been asking her to change some things about herself like her addiction to nose spray and to lose weight because at 5'2" 180lbs. don't look sexy. She would never change so I felt that I shouldn't have to. 2 months ago we had a huge blow out about what you ask? You guessed it. I packed a bag and left. I loaded up my riding lawn mower and headed for the cabin to blow off some steam. I wasn't 10 minutes from the house when she calls me crying thinking I was going up there to kill myself since I hadn't packed my hair brush or deoderant. I had extra in my bag so I didn't need those. I am too much of a chicken to kill myself or I would have done it already trust me. She comes up to the cabin the next day and holds me tight saying that she never wants to lose me and that we would work it all out. Stupid me, I take that to mean that my smoking is no longer an issue. She starts a deit and has lost 30 lbs. and is started taking projesterone to increase her drive. I knew that she didn't want to see me smoke so I would only do it in my shop and in my truck or at a buddies house. Which is odd since her big dispute about it was that I could get busted and go to jail yet she kinda put the nix on me smoking in the saftey of my own home. Last night after I get back from my walk she has nothing to say and I asked her if something was wrong and she said no. This morning we get up and I was hoping for sex. She puts me off and when I ask her she says she's mad and that she doesn't want to be near me. We argue about my smoking one more last time all day fucin long and as usual I wind up the one in the wrong, after all I am the addict. If I don't quit smoking and drinking so much she is going to leave. Shite. It's always ok when she wants to drink but if she don't and I do then I'm the bad guy. I am now announcing that I am officially quiting smoking weed and could use the collective support of this forum. If she were to catch me stoned she would be very dissapointed and I may lose her. What I don't get is if you are a certain way and do certain things all your life, and have a great well respected job have raised 2 str8 A students and are the life of the party and everyones freind then what do you become when you dry out?
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