Marijuana addiction is horrible! It's been almost two years now that I have broken away from being a daily smoker. But i still use on occassion. I still think about usuing every day, it still has its hold on me, I just have more self control than I use to. The need for it use to be normal for me, I saw nothing wrong with the stuff. I smoked when I had free time, and sometimes before class and work, everyone knew. My bosses, teachers, co-workers, fellow students. The only people who didn't judge me were the people I used with, my friends...if you can call them that. I eventually failed out of school, which was depressing. I got evicted from my place the next month and still at that time I did not link my marijuana use with all of the things in my life that werent going the way I intended. I can't tell you today what made me stop calling the dealer, maybe I just had enough. But i still use, and when I do it's not even like it was when I was doing it daily. It's not as fun, it makes me feel insecure and my mind races and I over analyze things that need not be analyzed, although it still has it's euphoric qualities that I love about the drug. I know what I need to do when I want to use now, if I buy a bag i'll be high for 3 days, but I dont want that that much....i just want a few puffs, it's all i need now. I call those friends who still use, and thats the only reason I call them. I have friends now who don't use, and my partner does not use, I have created a world for myself that does not involve using drugs. But, at times I still feel the need to get away from a life of challenges and reality to get high. Marijuana still has its hold on me, but I am a better person now, I dont wake up thinking...im gonna get high. It's so nice!!! But there are also mornings that I wake up and I am beating myself up for last nights joint. It's not so nice....
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