First off, I don't believe weed destroys lives, I think it's up to people to take it to one level or another. I think I probably out smoke anyone on this site in terms of quantity (not bragging...keep reading please), but I go to work everyday, make over 90k a year, drive a nice car, am in decent shape and have no major health concerns and never have. I'm not your typical "pothead" (only on weekends). This is what makes it so hard for me to stop! I look at myself as someone who's accomplished a lot, so weed is my reward...it's like balancing the good with some bad so to speak. Well, now I smoke cigarettes too! And those scare me. Now I combo weed a cigs, back to back everytime...never one without the other. I'm now facing the reality of my addictions and the danger I'm putting myself in. I don't wanna be one of those guys with a hole in their neck at age 40. The problem is, I make too much money and can afford it so easily, and I love the de-stressing qualities it has. I'm so upset with the world and they way people are these days as well as where it looks like we're headed. Pot keeps me "happy" and able to just keep functioning/working. For these reasons it's become a part of who I am. I feel like smoking weed is a significant part of my daily process and I won't have a process if I stop. Everytime I stop for a day or two...I sit and lament about not having it. I spent a whole month off of it, then relapsed harder than ever. Now I'm going through an eighth of bud every two days! It's like I don't even get stoned anymore, I just do it because my body/mind craves it. I'm afraid if I stop it will affect my work because I can't think of anything else (not to mention the anxiety, sweating, nervousness, panic). Being high is more normal feeling than sobriety. How can I get addicted to being sober? How can I learn to enjoy the way being clear feels the way being high feels?
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