My story, I smoked pot, did some other drugs and drank for most of my teenage years. I came from an abusive family.
I now have 28 years sobriety but there is a hitch. I never felt I qualified for N.A., I always felt it was geared to heroin addicts.
I never felt I qualified for A.A. either as I may only be considered a heavy drinker by the Bigbooks definition.
So basically I now have identified out of just about every fellowship I could possibly be a part of. Sad part is now I am a widower with three kids so I can't go to as many meetings as I used to when I got sober and clean.
I am also finding I am trapped, stalled, stale, dry drunk, and I feel that I am perminently broken, I don't know for sure but I think I have been broken since childhood and now that I am not involved in the fellowship the way I used to be I feel as though I am not connected to anyone, in fact at the age of 51, I am trying to be ok with the idea that I am incapable of maintaining or even really starting a meaningful friendship with anyone, sad really but so far that is the way it has been. Even the relationships I had with the people I got sober with are gone. I have one friend from when I got sober so I guess that is something.
Anyway, I definently qualify for this group because pot was my drug of choice so it is good to feel a legit qualification for something.
So I have recently starting going to AA meetings, but since I quit I started smoking more. I love smoking. I think it is great. It's not like I use it to hide or forget about anything. I enjoy smoking and love how it makes me feel. I understand why my therapist is concerned, because I am replacing alcohol with pot, but I feel completely different when I smoke. When I drink I become a different...
Every time I quit weed, I go back to these MA groups in my area. Each time I go I hope to come out feeling glad that there are other people like me, but when I leave I have a bad feeling inside and am quite angry at myself for going through the meeting, again.Most people identify themselves as drug addicts or alcoholics, which is great and all, but I wish most everyone was a weed addict as I...