I was clean for 1year 7months and 3days and decided to smoke again. I had a break down after the first time and couldn't believe I let myself do it, but then I have been doing it almost everyweekend. It doesnt seem like a big deal but when I think about all the time i was clean and how proud of myself I was I end up just getting so upset. I feel very torn between wanting to party and wanting to be clean. Ive lost friends because of my actions and am really unsure about what to do. I feel like im in a war with saying no to me.
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