Ok so of course I'm trying to quit smoking otherwise I wouldn't be here. That being said I just can't think of any alternative. w/o it I'm an angry, anxious, depressed mess. I have tried going out of the house more but it doesn't work (all my "friends" smoke weed) and when I stay in the house for too long I start to feel pathetic, then depressed, then I smoke again. I have been alternating between weed and alcohol as my drugs of choice for the past 12 years. Needless to say I have ulcers now so the alcohol is officially out of the equation. Also the medicine they gave me for the ulcers is NOT working so I usually can't even stomach any food unless I have already smoked. I'm young at heart with an old soul an awful dichotomy that has assured my misfitical existence from the second I was born. My whole life I've always gotten along with kids and the elderly but stick out like a soar thumb when amongst peers. My female friends are usually to catty and view our friendship as a competition rather than an alliance. I'm an outcast, my only friends are usually males that usually try to take advantage of the situation at one point or another so I've also tried swearing off men which only makes me feel even more pathetic. I'm an intellectual, artsy, BITCH, but also very delicate almost in a childlike way which I'm sure sounds as weird as it feels. Sometimes I just wanna run from everything but instead I just shut my room door and smoke a couple so I can grin and bare it. Everyone who has ever gotten close has betrayed me so I keep everyone on a short leash which only makes me feel like the dog. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I want to quit I just can't seem to function w/o it. My brain never stops. Is there anything else that can distract me as my brains sings, hums, calculates, suspects and dreams of worse case scenarios???
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