So the main reason I quit smoking was so that I could get back together with my girlfriend. I cheated on her and confessed while I was in Mexico with my parents and decided there I would do whatever I had to to get her back. I stayed clean for over a month which was the longest I've ever been able to abstain on my own. Then I found out she wasn't going to move back to Montana and said "fuck it, I might as well get high" like I have done so many times before. That was probably over a month ago and now I'm right back where I started; back in the rut with no idea how to start getting out. I'm worried about what it's going to take for me to actually quit again. Until I had a clear ultimatum of quitting or losing the only girl I've really loved, I had been "on the fence" for a long time about whether or not I wanted to quit. I will always know that I'm a better person when I'm not smoking, but when I am it's so hard to convince myself that I don't want to get high and to take that first step towards clear mindedness. I really hope I can keep my shit together this time around. I don't want to watch my life go by cause I'm too high to get up and do the things I want to do.
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