I started treatment about 4 weeks ago and had lyme for about 2 yrs. Since I started treatment I've been worse than ever. The fatigue is so overwhelming, I can barely do anything. I'm exhausted after doing the dishes. I have had a couple better days, then shot down with a couple bad days. Being that our financial situation is in the dumps, I decided to try one clients last night (I'm a massage therapist). I got thru it, then colapsed afterwards and the rest of the night I cried and couldn't move. I guess it was too soon. We just need the money so badly. It was the strangest feeling though. And probably only something that those who have been thru this could understand. It wasn't only physical exhaustion, but mental exhaustion. I realized the huge mental tole the has had on me. Almost like post traumatic stress syndrome. The constant worry about whether I will recover and what if I don't and can't work, what this has done to my family, this financial stress is enormous. I'm not sure how we'll make it if I don't start working soon and just the stress of pain and lack of a life. I use to have so much fun and was full of life, now I don't even remember what being happy means. I'm sorry to be such a downer. I do try to stay positive and see myself healing and all the wonderful things that I'm going to do after that. Then I have a night like last night, that knocks me to the ground. I pray constantly for strength to get thru this, but sometimes I'm just not sure what to do. Anyway, thanks for being there to let me air this out. I know only you guys would understand. Love to all of you and know that we're all heroes for getting thru each day.-Kris
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