I've been working hard in therapy to regain my memory as my life had seemed to be wiped out. Until I had a lyme diagnosis I thought it was all related to trauma. Now I'm not so sure. How much of my memory was stolen by lyme? Now bits and pieces are coming back and I continue to remember classic symptoms that were ignored. I feel so angry bc I always took my odd symptoms to a doctor. I feel so angry that now I am facing God only knows what bc of the closed minds I was dealing with. I remember vividly feeling so sick and run down around the time of my second bite... around the time of my first vertigo event... around the time I began to feel off balance as I walked, stood, etc.... I had a low grade fever that would come and go. I felt I must have the flu but it never went away so I felt I must have allergies... but it was lyme. Why was I supposed to know that? Why didn't the doctors? All of these "whys" do me no good now. Being angry does me no good now... but every memory just stirs the anger. My lifetime paints a classic picture of lyme symptoms. over 30 years worth. It makes me angry b/c no on saw... the story of my life. It also makes me feel that this is all in vain b/c they still WON'T see, so my story can't even help others to be "seen". It all feels very useless sometimes. It is what it is. I feel like my life is in a permanent flatline state of day to day survival. I guess this is what's known as a classic lyme depressive mood. Hope it passes on. Wonder if the moon is making it worse? I forgot about the moon.
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