This is my first post. My lying has destroyed my marriage, and I can't seem to break away from the habit. I'm an active member of Codependents Anonymous, I'm seeing a therapist weekly, but I lie to him by not telling him the whole truth, I'm keeping a "lying journal" but I lie to it by not writing down all the lies, just in case somebody reads it. I lie to avoid confrontation, I lie to cover up for something I've done which I shouldn't have, I lie to make myself sound better or more accomplished or talented, I lie by omission when relating a story where the details may make me look bad. I'll tell somebody something pretty serious and damning about myself and make a big deal out of it, only to leave out the much bigger, even more damning parts, thereby gaining the trust of the person but not making myself look horrible in the process.
I think at the root of it all, I don't like myself. I don't trust myself and I don't think anybody would like me if they ever got to know me. They would see that I'm lazy and forgetful and sloppy and not brilliant. I seek pity from others the way some people seek love or acceptance. I look for the easiest, lowest hanging fruit, and complain even when I get it and especially when it turns out less than spectacular. I'm certain I don't think I deserve my wife or any kind of success or happiness in life.
I'm going to try checking in here every day and writing what I'm doing and what I've learned. Thanks for reading.