So I sat here pondering why it is that I can only enjoy so much of life before I'm bed ridden again. For example I can only go out for a few hours, before becoming so exhausted I'm in bed for a whole day. Not that I've left my bed much lately the past few months. Does anyone else go through this? What about this thought, on a day where you actually feel half decent or pretty good after having a flare or a relapse do you kind of question it? As if it almost doesn't feel right that you now feel better, like it happened to soon or perhaps you feel it shouldn't have happened at all. Maybe I'm just not making any sense at all. I sort of had a good day a few days ago, spent a few hours out of the house and have been paying for it since. But on my good day, I felt jinxed, like it wasn't supposed to happen, I felt it was almost wrong that I actually was feeling good. Does anyone else feel like their body is letting them down when they feel good after a flare? Just because it's unexcpected and it comes on so unexpectedly that I feel like if I tell someone they'll think I've been faking the pain for the weeks before. Maybe that really makes no sense. Comment if you can. Also is anyone else who has all of these symptoms either an alcoholic or perhaps the child of an alcoholic? I'm just trying to research a theory I have, if anyone has any comments to that I'd appreciate it.
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