This is my first day on this site. I have been reading for several hours. I wouldnt wish this on anyone,(well, maybe bad guys) but I'm glad to see there are other people that understand. I get so depressed about just being sick all the damn time. Its overwhelming thinking this will be with me for the rest of my life. I am awake right now, because I havent slept well for several days due to the pain. I have kids, who need me in the morning. And I have to take care of them whether I feel good or not. I also feel guilty that I have been cranky with them because I hurt. My husband is a good man, but he doesnt seem to understand. He gives me this look sometimes like, uhhhh not again. You STILL dont feel well? I know it inconvienences him for me to be sick. And I feel bad about it already. But that look, I feel a mixture of wanting to smack him, and wanting to cry. Its no picnic to be the one whos sick AGAIN. Even now I feel like I have to explain. But I push through it. I dont ignore my kids. I do housework anyway, even in pain. I hate feeling that way. Like it makes me worth less to be sick. Like I cant be a good mom or valuable person sick. I'm not feeling very happy with my lot in life right now. But I'm grateful to have gotten some of it off my chest.
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