i found my first love after nearly forty years. we courted when we were teens and we never forgot each other. we both tried to find each other but i had moved and he was in the navy. we married others and i personally always never forgot him. i married abusive men often mistaking love for just using me as a pay packet and let my self esteem get lost somewhere that i have never found it. i found my first love and we talked for five years. i love him so much its mental but he is still married though seperated. they live in the same house. i ,moved countries gave up family to be near him and since i have been i hardly see him because the family discovered where i was and they dont know about me. weekends are awful i dont see him hardly at all. if i ask to its " im trying to do my best" but you always find the time to do something you want to do dont you. so i am lonely, i cry all the time i cant get him out my head and when he does call, instead of telling how i feel i "act" what he wants to hear. that its alright and i am here waiting. i am a mess. i am a pretty woman with a good business brain and intelligent, but when it comes to this i am as thick as a plank. what a bloody mess. do you think he will leave?? i dont know in six months i have made all the changes possible but he always says he will leave at the right time. when is that nothings changed. if i had the courage to end it i would but i cant stand the lonliness. i know no one except the crowd at work and thats it. i get anxiety, stress panic attacks even if he doesnt call. whay am i so dependant on him, i wasnt always like this no confidence i guess. x
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