first, let me say, i feel your pain.....

did you see my "workshop i attended" post here? that may give you some insight into your feelings and where this started for you.

what do YOU like to do with your time?

you certainly have potential for a relationship. we all do! but the relationship that matters most is the one you have with you!

what does "attractive woman" mean for you....

i know this is trite and it's been done to death...but until you have a relationship with yourself. until you satisfying you is the majority of your life then you cannot be in a healthy relationship with another. additionally, you cannot attract or maintain a healthy relationship because those who are healthy seek out those who are healthy.

words like "weak" "inadequacy" "insecure" "terrified" "ashamed" "confused" "depressed" "unhappy" "incomplete"....they are not YOU. they are just feelings.

again, at the workshop i attended we were asked to write down three things about ourselves we didn't like. mine were "clinging" "overbearing" and "confused". we then had to walk around the room introducing ourselves to each other like this:
"Hi. I'm clinging, overbearing and confused" and then the other would say "Hi clinging overbearing and confused. I'm selfish, lonely and ashamed."

it was quite a riot and took lots of the sting out of the words we used to describe ourselves. it also showed how others perceived themselves even when we didn't perceive ourselves that way.

i would venture a guess that in childhood you didn't have your needs met and so you responded in this negative way to yourself. as children, rather than thinking our parents don't meet our needs, we think something must be wrong with us...we are defective...if our parents, the ones who love us most, don't meet our needs.

so the journey begins by figuring out your needs and then meeting them. when you get comfortable doing this then you may be able to attract and maintain a healthy relationship...

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
it's taken me years of work to get better and i am in no way whole but it can be so much better.

"codependent no more" is a great book. "the intimacy factor". "healing the child within"....
head to a bookstore and check out what appeals to you. do some reading. have you thought about seeing a counselor to work on self-esteem issues?
for me, the only positive reinforcement i really receive in life comes from my counselor, a few good friends, and the great friends here at DS.

stick around this board and the codependency board. you will learn much!
xo

Rruussnn, the nature of depression causes us to see things a bit "off." I believe they call it "distorted thinking." You can't trust your perception that everyone else is so much happier than you are. This is a common trick of depression. Try to resist the urge to compare yourself to others. You have a natural desire to love someone. The paradox here, is that you have to cherish yourself first. When your love radiates from inside, you'll find that loving people will come into your life. When you judge yourself, your are asking others to judge you. When you shame yourself, you invite others to shame you. The good news is, when you love yourself, you give an open invitation to bring loving people into your life. Just for today, I challenge you to focus on what's right with you, and what's going right in your life. Make a list, and share it with us. I'd love to see that list. Who knows, you just might inspire a little love in others...:o)

I'm new here, but when I read your post, I felt like I could have written it!!! I feel exactly the same way with men!! The replies written on here have already helped me....I think we'll get a lot by by sticking around here and following the advice offered. We can do it....I'm with you!!