Don't be so hard on yourself. Just begin again. It is hard enough to stick with this stuff....it is only worse if you put yourself down. You had a moment of weakness. Carry on!!!!!

Hi Newstart01. Thank you for your support and kind words. I am trying to learn from this and start again. GGGRRRR!!! I had realised that I had not been as vigilant with myself as I had been and allowerd myself to make the wrong choice. It was certainly 'Groundhog day' for me yesterday.

This is progress not perfection.... i have been programmed this way my whole life... it wont come overnight... i need to be gentle with myself and not pull the bat out every time i fall short...

I need to know i am worthwhile and loveable... i need to understand that this journey will be filled with ups and downs.. i need to get back on the horse and try again..this time with a little more clarity and awareness of what my triggers and defects are... and to analize what and how i am feeling...

good luck
j

I just slipped, too. It's part of the process. Just start over. Re-commit yourself to recovery. don't ever give up. :)
Billi

If it makes you feel better, i slipped too! Still trying to stay away.

I want to badly to let go of my old patterns of love addiction and addiction to the intrigue of an emotionally unavailable man. I have a "date" tomorrow night with someone who I've been down this road with so many times. I told him it was over two weeks ago and he responded with an urgency about how much he loved me and begged me to "show him" how we could make things work. At the time, I was touched by his reaction. However, it is all part of the same pattern I am playing out.
**I must admit, I am starting to COMPLETELY lose respect for myself because I am totally responsible for my behavior at this point; I am starting to truly think that I get involved with emotionally or otherwise unavailable men becauSE I don't truly want a full relationship and all that it would entail. I had healthier relationships when I was younger and feel like my dysfunctional relationship patterns have gotten more firmly established throughout my thirties. This is not logically what I want for myself, to suffer, feel loved, then abandoned,etc. but it seems to be all that I know at this point.
I am not feeling much patience with myself right now although I have been praying about this and trying to gain some clarity.

R

Don't blame yourself. That's why it's an addiction - because it's really hard to stop. Just work through whatever you can for the time being. Progress is what counts, not perfection. Just get back on your plan. We all fall off the wagon, what matters is trying again to get back to ourselves and take care of ourselves. I am going to try reminding myself to "call" myself and such when I get feeling lonely.