LOVE ADDICTION Community Group
This forum will help all who wish to recover and gain some tools to be able to cope and deal with the issues stemming from our emotional problems that are hurting our relationships on a day to day basis...The relationship with ourselves as well as others...The solution is here for the taking..
I have seen some comments on here about sex and love addiction and I wanted to put what he has said about it. It might help clear up somethings about if they are separate or can they be together.
" whenever people hear the words "sex" and "addict" (or "addiction"), they conjure up images of nymphomaniacs and party girls, and think I am comparing them to that. Again, sex/love addiction has nothing to do with either of those things. Sex/love addicts often HATE sex, or fear it, or have to be drunk to even get through it. What's happening is that they yearn to connect with someone, yet they feel empty and fearful that if someone really DID know her, they would reject her (*this is the point where rape is relevant: many rape survivors want connections with others, but feel the rape makes them valueless and likely to be rejected). So they seek that connection with others, but in their insecurity or self-rejection, they find it easier to lead with sexuality. They hate that this happens, and wish they could be understood in any other nonsexual way, but the cycle seems to continue. The four core beliefs of the sexualized love addict are:
1) I am fundamentally flawed or bad;
2) nobody will love me as the person I *really* am;
3) no one will take care of my needs but me;
4) sex has become the only level at which people connect with me (this is the "I've always had a sexual energy" part).
Sex/love addicts are usually NOT immoral, dysfunctional people; they are often incredibly compassionate and intelligent. They crave love, not sex, but are so frustrated that sex seems to be the only one of the two they ever get. Some may even begin to avoid sex or sexuality because of their perception of themselves as "bad" or because they are so sickened by the cycle of men only approaching relationships on that level (or even because she may believe she does not deserve pleasure).
" whenever people hear the words "sex" and "addict" (or "addiction"), they conjure up images of nymphomaniacs and party girls, and think I am comparing them to that. Again, sex/love addiction has nothing to do with either of those things. Sex/love addicts often HATE sex, or fear it, or have to be drunk to even get through it. What's happening is that they yearn to connect with someone, yet they feel empty and fearful that if someone really DID know her, they would reject her (*this is the point where rape is relevant: many rape survivors want connections with others, but feel the rape makes them valueless and likely to be rejected). So they seek that connection with others, but in their insecurity or self-rejection, they find it easier to lead with sexuality. They hate that this happens, and wish they could be understood in any other nonsexual way, but the cycle seems to continue. The four core beliefs of the sexualized love addict are:
1) I am fundamentally flawed or bad;
2) nobody will love me as the person I *really* am;
3) no one will take care of my needs but me;
4) sex has become the only level at which people connect with me (this is the "I've always had a sexual energy" part).
Sex/love addicts are usually NOT immoral, dysfunctional people; they are often incredibly compassionate and intelligent. They crave love, not sex, but are so frustrated that sex seems to be the only one of the two they ever get. Some may even begin to avoid sex or sexuality because of their perception of themselves as "bad" or because they are so sickened by the cycle of men only approaching relationships on that level (or even because she may believe she does not deserve pleasure).
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
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My ENT sent me for more tests last week...one where they had me lie back in a chair, with blacked out goggles on so I couldn't see while they administered water into my ears one at a time ( first warm, then room-tempurature, then cold) while they video taped my eyes and asked me questions to determine how cognizant I was... This test went HORRIBLY. They were about 20 seconds or so into...
i'm getting better. one day at a time. i am incredibly compassionate and intelligent (along with frustrated!)
thanks for sharing!!!!
xo
I am no expert but I have started a Love Addicts support group and facilitated it. I have worked with many women who suffer from a life time of love addiction, many of whom are married to Sex addicts. It is hard enough as it is to get Love addicts to accept that they are in fact love addicts w/o throwing in there the label of "Sex" addiction especially for those who are married to men who have spent years chasing any thing that moves. When I ask myself, in considering this issue, what the core issue of a love addiction are many things come up such as giving up self, but sex is never one of them. As a symptom or a behavior yes but a driving force core issue no. When I consider Sex Addiction I have to say the core issue is a driving force of sex. When I talk to people about love addiction and try to get them to look at the possibility or consider it, the last thing I'm going to do is throw in there that they are a sex addict as well.