Hey guys, I'm new to the group and I know it's time to reach out. I have been suffering from some pretty severe loneliness for a very long time, now, and I get so overwhelmed from it. Some days are worse than others. I live a very isolated life, so it's no surprise. I was raised in an abusive home and wasn't allowed out and didn't have many friends. I suffer from PTSD and agoraphobia due to the abuse, which has left me an involuntary hermit. I desperately want to have people in my life and especially to have intimacy, both physically and emotionally, but the fear of reaching out or seeking out others is debilitating, and so overwhelming, I don't even know where to begin. How do you just meet people and ask them to be a part of your life? And I feel too far gone, when I try to meet people. Going to a meet up group or church or something, it's such a slow process, and because I have been so alone for so long, I get really frustrated and I give up, because it took so much out of me just to get out of the house and get to the place, when I leave without knowing anyone's name or having any promise of friendship, I just don't know what the point is.
Anyway, I live with my sister and my son, and that is the only family I have. My sister works all day, basically to pay the rent because I can't get out of the house to go to work. She's so worried about me, she's trying to set it up so she can start working from home starting in 2017 so I won't be alone all day, but as much as I love her and her company, it's just not enough. And of course my son isn't a good source of emotional comfort. I give to him what he needs, not the other way around. I do what I can for him and his needs are met, and I'll take him to the playground and enroll him in social activities, but I won't engage with the other parents, or I'll have my sister come with me so I only have to talk to her. I feel so trapped in this world I was born into, or maybe I created it for myself, I can't even tell, anymore. But I'm so lonely and because of my trauma, I don't know how to fix the loneliness. I am stuck between the most depressing and lonely of rocks and hard places.
Any advice or support would be appreciated. Honestly, if I could just find some nice people, here, to talk to throughout the week, I think that would help. Social media is equally isolating, these days, with the short posts and people liking or retweeting, rather than engaging in conversation. I'm hoping a place like this will be more my pace, a place where people actually talk to each other and develop friendships.