I have no idea if I am. I mean I have thought about it but I dont think I have the guts to go through with it. I mean I feel like im just waiting for the final push and from my fathers actions from what ive been told have become reckless. And if anything at all where to happen to him like I dont know die! Then I feel like thats all it would take. Right now hes the only thing that keeps me fighting hes the only one I want to make proud I want to be a fighter like he has always been but I cant seem to find the strength to keep fighting im so tired of it. (I guess im contradicting myself) but then I think of the people I would affect with y actions and...it makes me hesitate if only slightly to be honest it isnt even that many my mom not so much but im iffy and then my big bro and my dad.....and I dont want to talk to anybody about it cause I feel that im letting my cynical family win. Theyve made me paranoid and cynical of everyone.
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