I feel more alone than ever. My whole life I have been waiting for something good to happen. I have good days but mostly in the past. Don't go out anymore due to Mom's issues so don't see many like I did. Used to go to bingo or out to dinner with friends. Not any more. I jokingly said I gave up "passion" for lent but never did go back to it.
Lately I came to realize the man I desire, doesn't give a flying fig about me. He said he would probably forget me in 6 months if we didn't see each other like we do now and he didn't notice my weight loss. So now I feel more alone than ever. I don't see potential like I used to. I feel like I am just putting in time.
Wish I knew how to get out of this mental emptiness. I do have a plan when I am living alone one day. But I don't want that really. I want a man who will love and care for Mom and me. Wether it is sexual for me or just a companion. I just want someone so I don't feel so alone.
I have moved on before. There usually comes a man into view but it takes years in between. Guess I am impatient as I get older. I hope I am being prepaired for the love of my life. Maybe he isn't ready yet? I pray we will meet soon.