Okay,maybe my problem isnt quite sooo dramatic as the title makes it sound,but it is causing me alot of confusion and loneliness so im counting it...ya see,i went out with this guy for about a month and a half...crazy as it may seem,i fell in love with him. but...he broke up with me about a week or 2 ago saying he wants to be 'close friends'(officially hate that term btw,it should metaphorically die a slow,painful death)...but there have been so many things going on since he broke up with me,im going into emotional overload. for starters,i still love him...who knows why since he doesnt love me anymore,but i do. and...i might be pregnant with his baby,and i havent told him-dont plan to unless i get a + result either...yeah i know,good luck explaining THAT one to the baby if i am. and now my dads trying to force me to get an abortion if i am,so if i am i have to run away and stay with my cousin...i told my now-ex that i was looking at girls for him to date,mostly cuz it made him happy when hes been so depressed,even though looking for him makes me so depressed i resort to self-harming in the form of snapping a rubber band on my wrist. but i did always say i didnt care if i was miserable long as he was happy,so i pasted on a smile and pretended it wasnt a problem. then theres the fact that my family is now ragging on him obssessively,which i dont want to hear.then the tidbit that i may like a few people now...none of which will work. 1's out in ohio for college and has NEVER dated before,1's habitually angry + depressed and i havent seen him in a good 2 years so i only get to talk to him sporadically on fb,and the 3rd is a girl who happens to live way over in ottawa and ive only ever talked to her on fb...yeah im pathetic -.- and then theres the mind-numbing loneliness...ever since he broke up with me,ive spent every night depressed and sobbing myself to sleep over him...all i want is to be loved,to have someone to hold me when i have a nightmare,when im sleeping,or hell,any other time. i want someone to love me and commit to me,even though im only 18 and highly doubt thatll happen...i feel so alone all the time,especially when i see couples being romantic,and i swear this is the most depressed ive ever been...i dont know what to do to decrease the drama in my life...its gotten so stressful i have spontaneous panic attacks...im only 18,i shouldnt have to deal with all this...can someone give me advice? anything bout how to handle this,or how youd handle this? itd make my life soooo much better...~Kayla~
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